1412 and all that revisited

Fw: Sign of Alzheimer disease

Sign of Alzheimer disease

Let's check if you have early signs of Alzheimer. Do the test and find out.

Alzheimer's Test How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks? 1. _ _NDOM 2. F_ _K 3. P_N_S 4. PU_S_ 5. S_X 6. BOO_S | | | | | | | | | | \/ Answers:1. RANDOM 2. FORK 3. PANTS 4. PULSE 5. SIX 6. BOOKS You got all 6 wrong....didn't you? You do NOT have an Alzheimer's Problem.  You have a Sex Problem!  WATCH IT...... FRIENDLY REMINDER: When forwarding, please don't forget to delete my email address 轉寄前請刪除寄件人的名字和帳號

Boo Sa Bar goes Latin in Bangkok

Not everyone likes their photo taken especially male customers in a Thai bar.  But it is hard to find a bar girl in Thailand that doesn't. And you can see why? They all look good and they really all do enjoy some good harmless fun

Category: Film & Animation
Tags:www.PerformanceController.com (Learning about Business)

The Answers to the 5 most FAQs

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q:WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them to make a Goodyear tire

Q:WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house ans car .

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING ?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS

Q: What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment?
A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Sheep's Fries

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the 'parts', but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the 'sheep fries' were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of 'sheep fries'.
The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.

She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many 'sheep fries' this evening, we were also going to have French fries. Then he screamed and ran like hell."

Hillbillies Gossip

Three hillbillies on a riverbank were  fishing and sippin' a little shine.
One said, "I swear I am married to the dumbest woman in the county. She bought a TV and we don't even have electricity."
Second one said, "
That's nothing, my wife just bought a washing machine and we don't have running water."
The third hillbilly said, "Mine's got both of yours beat. I was looking through her purse the other day. She had a package of rubbers in there and she doesn't even have a dick."

Recession Feedback

When the Recession hit in the US ........it hit everybody. even me. I  got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
Here is some other feedback

• Wives were having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.
• when the bank returned your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you would call and ask if they meant you or them.
• McDonald's was selling the 1/4 ouncer.
• Angelina Jolie was adopting children from America .
• A truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico .
• A picture was only worth 200 words.

Suicide Message

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Tatoo of the year (do)

My son told me, Dad, I would like to have a tattoo.  I told him No, nobody has one in our family ... and you are not having one.  

He asked me, Why not ? All my friends have a tattoo !   I told him, It would be a stain on your body ! 

He pleaded with me, Dad, please, please, just a Cartoon Character on the belly ?  And after many hours of discussion I gave in and decided to let him.  

After all, he was a young man with his own freedom of choice ...  and I thought ...  a Cartoon Character ... is probably not so bad ! but it turn out.........

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'Are these my brains?

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains? '

Not yet,' she replied

BBC archives Yield 1986 Soda Water dogs

Half Wit

A man owned a small farm in Australia.
The Tax Office claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday and a slab of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday"
'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 per week plus free room and board. She doesn't work on Sundays and I provide paid satellite television for free in her room.
'Then there's the half-wit.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

Hang in here Sunshine

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

           What  is the difference between girls/women
Aged 8, 18,  28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

***********************************************************************************
At  8

You  take her to bed and tell her a  story

***********************************************************************************  
At 18

You  tell her a story and take her to  bed  

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At  28

You  don't need to tell her a story
To take her to  bed  

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At  38

She  tells you a story and takes you to  bed

***********************************************************************************
At  48

She  tells you a story to avoid going to  bed

***********************************************************************************  
At 58

You  stay in bed to avoid her story  

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At  68

If  you take her to bed, that'll be a  story  

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At  78

What  story? What bed?
Who the hell are  you?  

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According  to the
Office for National  Statistics

190,374
People  are having sex right now

212,130
Are  kissing

And one poor ole fart
Is reading  emails

You  hang in there sunshine!

Just what the Doctor Ordered!!

A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM ! 'Viagra' is  now available In powder form For your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance But it does stop your biscuit going soft.

DOG FOR SALE

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.  I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.

The chalk guy is back!

Positively astounding This guy continues to amaze people with his sidewalk 3D chalk drawings.

Mergers Twister

In the not too distant future,

    YouTube, Twitter & Facebook will merge

           to form one gigantic, idiotic,

    super time wasting, website called...

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones- A Tale of 2 Docs

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and
decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open
a practice together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist;
they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and
Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids" This
was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.
"Catatonics and High Colonics".......no go.
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"......thumbs
down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds"......still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes"..
unacceptable again!
So, they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts".....not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts".....no way.
"Freaks and Cheeks".....still no good.
"Loons and Moons".....forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones--Odds and Ends"
Everyone loved it.

Best Card Trick Ever

Best Card Trick Ever

Deaf Sex

Two deaf people get  married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to  communicate in the bedroom. With the lights out they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling the wife figures out a solution.

She writes a note to her  husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? If you want sex with squeeze my left breast  once . If you don't sex, reach squeeze my right breast two times.

The husband thinks this  is a great idea. He writes back to his wife “Ok and if you want sex with me, pull on his penis once. If not, pull on my penis two hundred and fifty times!