"Humour for all Occasions" is about friends sharing stories. Please enjoy & get more on "Learning About Business" at Performance Controller.com.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Willy's Jeep

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8,  soldiers pull up on a main street in  standard issue WWII type Willys Jeep.

In about 5 minutes they completely disassemble the vehicle and reassemble it and drive off in it fully operable!

The genius that went into the making of the jeep was its basic simplicity.

Click Willy's  Jeep

A short neurological test


1- Find the C below.. Please do not use any cursor help.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6 below.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

3 - Now find the N below. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

If you passed these 3 tests, you can cancel your annual visit to your neurologist. Your brain is great and you're far from having Alzheimer’s.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Do you know the criteria to be ready for old peoples home?

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?"

Friday, October 26, 2012

One liners

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband!
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A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
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Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata.  It's a double dip recession.
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A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as:  "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been
confiscated, and the wife has gone off to her mum's.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Our Thought Leaders at Large - Dumb it down bit please?

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Watch the video by clicking on the picture. You get a good idea about what 1950’s advocate for social reform Bertrand Russell, meant when he said. 

“The fundamental cause of trouble is that the stupid are cocksure, while the intelligent are full of doubt.”

Monday, October 8, 2012

Story behind this photo of Queen Liz having so much fun

clip_image001H.M. The Queen, accompanied by H.R.H. Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, paid a Jubilee visit to Nottingham.

During the three hours in the East Midlands city, they attended a children’s event in which the 5-to-10 year olds were asked to present something to celebrate the Jubilee.

Out of the more than 1,000 children attending, six were chosen to give their own speech to the Queen, of 50 words or less, that expressed their devotion and admiration for Her Majesty’s long reign.

The last child to say his piece was 8-year-old Devon Parker who stood at the microphone 25 feet in front of the Queen.and said,

“Your Majesty, I think you are the nicest old lady in all of England , but I wish you weren’t so old because, if you were younger, you would live a lot longer.

Thank you very much.”

The Queen’s reaction and reportedly her response:

“Now, what can I say to that!?”

PRICELESS.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Lie Detector

A father buys a Lie Detector Robot that slaps you when you lie. All excited, he decides to test it out on his son at supper.
"Where were you last night? the father asks.
"I was at the library." Robot slaps the son.
"OK I was at Jimmy's house."
"Doing what?" the father asks.
"Watching a movie.....Toy Story." Robot slaps the son.
"OK it was porn!" cries the son.
Father yells "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was."
Robot slaps the father.
The mother laughs, "He certainly is your son!"
Robot slaps the mother.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Fine Example of Socialized Medicine

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Some people sure have a great sense of humour don't they?.

I do hope the Ottawa Hospital do too?