"Humour for all Occasions" is about friends sharing stories. Please enjoy & get more on "Learning About Business" at Performance Controller.com.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

World easiest quizz

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ - but is it?(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial aeroplane?

Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below .



What do you mean, you failed? . (If you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too.


World easiest quiz Answers

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ1) 116 years 2) Ecuador 3) Sheep and Horses 4) November 5) Squirrel fur 6) Dogs 7) Albert 8) Crimson 9) New Zealand 10) Orange (of course)

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Ron's Modern Philosophies

--Karl Marx's brother, after reading "Das Kapital"
Some interesting ideas - check it out Larry

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which a person can die.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry...then things get worse.
If god intended human beings to fly, then he would have given us free tickets.
Never squat behind the cactus to relieve yourself with your spurs on (one of the unwritten laws of the wild west).
It just might be that your sole purpose in life is to set a bad example.
It is always the darkest before the dawn (the first rule of neighbourhood newspaper theft).
Always remember that you are a unique person, just like everyone else.
The single reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, is "meetings".
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take the moment too seriously.
There is always one individual that takes charge of the situation when trouble arises and things look bad. Very often, that individual is crazy.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
You cannot fall off the floor (from the Law of Inebriation).
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed (from the Law of Probability Dispersal).
Money cannot buy happiness but it makes misery easier to work with.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that proves you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates knows more and is probably right.
The nice thing about egotists is that they never talk behind your back.
Never do card tricks for the group you play strip poker with.
There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
No one ever listens until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs privately and failure in full
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The colder the x-ray table, the more your body is needed to press against it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Age is a very high price to pay for being known as mature.
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it!
Criticism is like having the roadmap but without having the car.
Procrastination is the art of dealing with yesterday.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal ideas from many is called research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above moral principle.
Two wrongs are only the beginning of something not right.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still trying to reach their own levels of incompetence.
You never learn to swear god's name in vain until you learn how to drive. (The corollary is, you never learn to prey until your kids learn to drive!)
The problem with the gene pool is that the pool is too deep and there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Stubborn people will always listen to reason as long as you accept their point of view first.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up (the first rule of project management).
Nobody is ugly after 4:00 am.
90% of the test's value is the 10% of the class you fell asleep in.
Being sincere is a form of flattery until it is overdone.
A degree of truth is measured by how long you can hold off giggling after telling the lie.
Sex is one of the most beautiful, natural and wholesome things that money can buy.
Friendships often succeed where loan officers fail.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the difficulty of the reach.
Be nice to your kids children because they get to choose the nursing home.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
A conscience is what hurts after all of your other parts feel so good.

source http://www.geocities.com/transcona1/moderncynic.htm

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Larry The Cable Guy

The Wisdom of Larry The Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99% of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until they speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Over the Fence

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife wraps herself in a towel and goes downstairs to answer it.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel,"
After thinking for a moment, she drops the towel and stands naked.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.
She than wraps herself back in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets back, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?"