Snotty Receptionist

Yesterday I was sitting in a crowded doctors waiting room and an retired guy came in and went to the counter He looked a bit on edge as he approached the receptionist's and gave her his name. A large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler, she said in a very loud voice, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the people snapped their heads around too see a very embarrassed man, But he quickly recovered and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I’VE COME TO ABOUT MY SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS." The room erupted in applause! DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS

Mrs Brown and the condom

Being a bit older like the so many who have seen this video I appreciate discussions on matters related to sex is not just for the young.

It is even more humorous when it is openly discussed by the older more experienced. This very BBC skit is an example. ..

Miracle Impotence Cure Found

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

I'm still looking for a place to live.

“When God Created Husbands Promise”

 

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world……...

………….Then He made the earth round.

Dolphins are so smart

Did you know that dolphins are so smart, within a few weeks they can train a human to stand on the edge of a pool and throw them fish.

PROSTATE CHECKUP

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The old guy obeys and says,"99".The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".Again, the old guy says, '99'."

The doctor said, "Very good". Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The old guy begins,

One,

Two,

Three,

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.

You grow old because you stop laughing!!

Places I have been

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots, hear you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with others. I've never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. I has no airport so you have to be driven there.I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore. I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older. One of my favourite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get! And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

A Student got 0% on this Exam. I would have given him 100% .

Here are the questions & the student’s answers, Check how would you go?   _______________________________________________________________ Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? * his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? * at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? * liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? * marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? * exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? * Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? * The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? * It will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? * No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? * Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? * No time at all, the wall is already built. Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

5 clever ideas to make life easier

Some handy ideas found and assembled in one place on blogs around the web

Why didn’t I think of that?! We guarantee you’ll be uttering those words more than once at these ingenious little tips, tricks and ideas that solve everyday problems … some you never knew you had!   (Above: hull strawberries easily using a straw). . Via: apartmenttherapy.com Rubbing a walnut over scratches in your furniture will disguise dings and scrapes. .   .Via: unplggd.com Remove crayon masterpieces from your TV or computer screen with WD40 (also works on walls). . .Via: athomewithrealfood.blogspot.com Stop cut apples browning in your child’s lunch box by securing with a rubber band..   .. Via: MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.marthastewart.com" claiming to be marthastewart..com Overhaul your linen cupboard – store bedlinen sets inside one of their own pillowcases and there will be no more hunting through piles for a match. .Via: realsimple.com Pump up the volume by placing your iPhone / iPod in a bowl – the concave shape amplifies the music.   . .Via: savvyhousekeeping.com Re-use a wet-wipes container to store plastic bags.       .Via: iheartnaptime.net Add this item to your beach bag. Baby powder gets sand off your skin easily – who knew?! .     .Via: realsimple.com Attach a velcro strip to the wall to store soft toys.   ..   Via: flickr.com Look up! Use wire to make a space to store gift wrap rolls against the ceiling, rather than cluttering up the floor. ..   Via: instructables.com Gotcha! Find tiny lost items like earrings by putting a stocking over the vacuum hose. ..     Via: realsimple.com Make an instant cupcake carrier by cutting crosses into a box lid. ..     Via: stephmodo.com For those who can’t stand the scrunching and bunching: how to perfectly fold a fitted sheet. .           Via: sprwmn.blogspot.com Forever losing your bathroom essentials? Use magnetic strips to store bobby pins (and tweezers and clippers) behind a vanity door .   Via: realsimple.com A tip for holiday packing. Store shoes inside shower caps to stop dirty soles rubbing on your clothes. And you can find them in just about every hotel! . .Via: familyfun.go.com A muffin pan becomes a craft caddy. Magnets hold the plastic cups down to make them tip-resistant.     .Via: unplggd.com Bread tags make the perfect-sized cord labels. .   Via: kiboomu.com Bake cupcakes directly in ice-cream cones – so much more fun and easier for kids to eat. ..         Via: squawkfox.com Microwave your own popcorn in a plain brown paper bag. Much healthier and cheaper than the packet stuff. ..     Via: MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "smg.photobucket.com" claiming to be photobucket.com Brilliant space-saver: install a tension rod to hang your spray bottles. Genius! ..   Via: 9gag.com Win friends at breakfast with this heart-shaped egg tutorial. Aww shucks! .       .Via: wilton.com Turn your muffin pan upside down, bake cookie-dough over the top and voila – you have cookie bowls for fruit or ice-cream. Click here for recipe. . . Via: realsimple.com Freeze Aloe Vera in ice-cube trays for soothing sunburn relief.   . Via: MailScanner has detected a possible fraud attempt from "www.lifehacker.com..au" claiming to be lifehacker.com.au Gutter garden: Create a window-box veggie patch using guttering. .   Via: re-nest.com Use egg cartons to separate and store your Christmas decorations.

The Fisherman and the Talking Frog

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, ‘Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.’ Pick me up, then kiss me, and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket. The frog said, 'What, are you crazy? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,  'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog. ' With age comes wisdom.