The truth about sex

When 3 people have sex it is called a threesome. When only 2 it is a twosome. Now I understand why they call some people handsome. 

Proof That The World Is Nuts (except maybe for Guam) !

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick? WHY ?))

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!')

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time!

Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law???)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what? Well,.... not as great as Guam !)

Humans banging their head against a wall use 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(Did our government pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet...

(Ah, geez.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts...

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

Two Irish Nuns

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat, and one says to the other,
"I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs.""Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as
well do as the Americans do."
As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yelling, "Hot Dogs, get your dogs
here," and they both walk towards the hot dog cart."Two dogs, please!," says one. The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps
both hot dogs in foil and hands them over. Excited, the nuns hurry
to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers.She begins to blush, and then after staring at it for a moment, leans to the
other Nun and in a soft brogue whispers.
"What part did you get?

Are my testicles black

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are - my - test - results - back?"

Source and thanks to Eugene

Sex with Ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
“Ok That's a good start. And those who believe, do any think you have seen one?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"Really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Hamad , tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Hamad replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you talking about Goats.”

Faceless fun–rodeo

Have you tried the new rodeo position yet?
I haven't even heard of it , what is it?
well its where you get your wife down on all fours and mount her fr0m behind.
Then you reach around and cup each of her breasts in your hands and whisper in there ear, “Boy these feel just like your sister’s”

Faceless fun – Overweight

Mom what are you doing?
You know your Dad has a big tummy. Sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.
Your wasting tour time.
Why is that?
Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.

Faceless Fun - Golfer story

I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you were off playing golf and she got pregnant, would that make us family?

Well I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even,

Faceless Fun - Virgin

Auntie Pink are you a virgin?

Yes I'm saving myself till marriage

That's a load of bullshit, you just can’t get a guy.

God and his Seamstress.

One day, a seamstress was sewing by a river and her thimble fell into the water.

When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord reached into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires..

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked..

'Yes,' cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband.

Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral  Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Signed,
All Us Women

Editor’s Note .

Stories about morals can be oxymoronic especially when based on women's logic..Anyway what's so good about George Clooney?

(An oxymoron is a figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side.)

Japanese Knickers - Bring them on

What you see below are not see-thru skirts. They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as if the pants are visible   They are the current rage in Japan.

This as a public service, so you won't have a heart attack when the rage reaches here. 

They do not make them in 'Large' or 'Extra Large'  thankfully.

Editor note to Jacquie . They look so real especially the last one which has the walking legs under their skirt in perfect alignment with the one on the picture.

Are you quite sure you didn't slip this one in