Drink Water and You Could Live Forever

I asked my Doctor “why do I pee more at night, and should I stop drinking water before I hit the sack?”

The first part of your question is easy he said

“When you are upright gravity holds water in the lower part of your body. So when you lie down the body (legs etc.) are level to your kidney which finds it easier to remove water.

The second part of your question is simple too.

“NO don't stop drinking water before bed time . As muscles seek re-hydration  when too much water is removed there is an increased risk of stroke heart attack or even just simple but painful things like leg cramps. A glass of water before bed reduces that risk.  

“Drinking water at other times also maximizes body effectiveness”

A couple of glasses of water after waking up helps activate internal organs

A glass of water before a meal - helps digestion

A glass of water before a bath - helps lower blood pressure”

How trackers use geo tags in your photo upload from you phone

Are your Kids safe from predators when you snap a pic on your phone ?

According to this NBC news item, not so. 

Tongue Indicator for STROKE IDENTIFICATION

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator,  Neurologists say if they can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours they can totally reverse the effects of a stroke.... During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and fell – Embarrassed she recovered and assured everyone that she was fine and had just tripped because of her new shoes. They got her a new plate of food and she went on enjoying herself for the rest of the meal before she left with her husband. Her husband called later to say that his wife had been taken to the hospital and had died. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. If someone had recognized the symptoms and called for help she may have been fine today .... RECOGNIZING A STROKE One simple test of a stroke is to ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If it is 'crooked', goes to one side or the other that is an indication of a stroke. Also use the first three letters STR. as a guide to ask questions to recognize a stroke S  *Ask the person to SMILE. T  *Ask the person to TALK (Coherently) (I.e. It is sunny out) R  *Ask The person to RAISE BOTH ARMS. If they have trouble with ANY of these, call emergency

I didn’t know cockroaches starve when beheaded

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don't try this at home ; maybe at work.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life....quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing..) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a chuckle.In other words, send it to everyone! (and God love that pig!)

Deaf Sex

Two deaf people get  married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to  communicate in the bedroom. With the lights out they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling the wife figures out a solution.

She writes a note to her  husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? If you want sex with squeeze my left breast  once . If you don't sex, reach squeeze my right breast two times.

The husband thinks this  is a great idea. He writes back to his wife “Ok and if you want sex with me, pull on his penis once. If not, pull on my penis two hundred and fifty times!

$280,000 Mortgage

Young Joseph had an accident with his bike so for his birthday asked his Dad for new one.

His father said, 'Son,we'd love to but our mortgage is $280,000 and we just can afford it right now.'

The next day Joseph was heading out the front door with a suitcase. His Dad saw him and asked, 'Son, where are you going?'

Joseph replied, “Last night I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. Then I she told tell you to wait because she was coming too.

I'll be damned if i‘ll stay here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no f*#ken bike.”

The look on the dog's face says it all!

A picture is worth a thousand words.The look on the dog's face says it all!

Watch and learn, Women think they’re so smart

Three women and three men travel by train to the football.

At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.

'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.

'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket, please.. The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!

'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' says one perplexed man.

'Watch and learn,' answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into another toilet just down the way.

Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.
The woman knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket, please.'

Now you can see too why women think they are smarter than men.

Laughing Stuff

It has been three months since I liked my balls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For twisted people,here are more to cartoons to ponder  

 

Dog Therapy If you don't pass this along, A dog will visit your computer! Oops...guess you didn't send it fast enough! . .

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Numbers

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates....

1/1/11, 1/11/11,

11/1/11, 11/11/11

Ok now go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born then add your age you will be this year and it will be 111

No matter how you di it the answer is always the same.Amazing eh?

Yes, what is amazing that some people have nothing better to than figure out useless algorithms to drive the rest of us crazy

THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from a big City in recently transferred to the country and was on first tour of her new territory When she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and  knocked  on the door.
"Anybody home?" she  asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?"  asked the social worker.
"Pa?  Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma?  Nope, she left  just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the  social worker, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door.  "This is the outhouse!"

Benefits

The Australian  Prime Minister, Julia Gillard announced she intends drastically reduce the Welfare  budget and make it more difficult to claim Dole and Social Benefits.

From  next Monday all forms will be printed in English only!

*A THAILAND LOVE STORY*

A man was lying in bed with his new

Thai girlfriend in a hotel in the Thai resort of Phuket.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -something she loved to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that so much?"

"Because", she replied, "I really miss mine..."

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it ???

The longest married laugh the most.

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

Brass Monkey Weather

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota. 

She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. 

The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. 

Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.  She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

You can't fool a Newfie

Two Businessmen make a deal, a Canadian from Newfoundland (Newfie), and a Jew.

The Newfie goes to the Jewish businessman to buy black bras size 38.

The Jew, known for his business skills, says that black bras are rare and from his suppliers.  Therefore he charges $50.00 for them.

The Newfie mutters  Lord Thunderin' Jesus! and buys 25 bras.

When he returns a few days later and this time orders fifty, the Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each, The Newfie reluctantly pays.

The Newfie businessman returns a month later and buys all the Jew’s remaining stock of 50 bras , this time, paying $75.00 each.

The Jew puzzled by the large demand asks the Canadian,  "Please, tell me what you do with all these black bras?

The Newfie then tell him : ‘I cut dem in half and sells them as skull caps to the Jewish folks back home for $100.00 each.'

Candy from a Stranger

REMEMBER  WHEN YOUR
MOTHER TOLD YOU
NEVER TO TAKE  CANDY
FROM  A STRANGER..

THIS  IS THE ONE SHE  WAS TALKING ABOUT!!

Change Management for “Senior Greeter” jobs!

 

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.  "Charley, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?"