"Humour for all Occasions" is about friends sharing stories. Please enjoy & get more on "Learning About Business" at Performance Controller.com.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Leadership Quotes

10 List of Leadership Quotes:

Favorite Leadership Quotes #1
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.

Peter F. Drucker

Favorite Leadership Quotes #2
Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.

George S. Patton

Favorite Leadership Quotes #3
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

Dwight Eisenhower

Favorite Leadership Quotes #4
A leader is a dealer in hope.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Favorite Leadership Quotes #5
I must follow the people. Am I not their leader?

Benjamin Disraeli

Favorite Leadership Quotes #6
The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it.

Elaine Agather

Favorite Leadership Quotes #7
Delegating work works, provided the one delegating works, too.

Robert Half

Favorite Leadership Quotes #8
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Groucho Marx

Favorite Leadership Quotes #9
The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet.

Theodore M. Hesburgh

Favorite Leadership Quotes #10
The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Theodore Roosevelt

Source: http://www.famous-quotes-and-quotations.com/leadership-quotes.html

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Monday, December 28, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

Tractor Puzzle

Every once in a while someone might send you a puzzle.  I found one you may enjoy trying to solve.

Try and find the tractor in the following picture...

If you have never lived on a farm, it may be difficult.

You would think a tractor would be easy to find, But this is a challenge...


Hint: I think it's a green John Deere...
clip_image001Gordon I am Closing my eyes and forwarding this one geeeee!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Highest Position in the World

Do you know who holds the highest position in the world?

President Barack Obama? Nope.
Pope Benedict? Nope.
The Dalai Lama? Nope.

Do you want to see WHO that person is ?

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Babu Sassi, a fearless young man from southern India, is the cult hero of Dubai 's army of construction workers.

Known as the "Indian on the top of the world", Babu is the crane operator at the world's tallest building, the 819-meter Burj Dubai.

His office, the cramped crane cab perched on top of the Burj, is also his home.
It takes too long to come down to the ground each day to make it worthwhile - although, when the building is completed, its elevators will be the world's fastest.

Stories about his daily dalliance with death are discussed in revered terms by Dubai 's workers.
Some say he has been up there for more than a year, others whisper that he's paid 30,000 dirhams ($8,168) a month compared with the average wage of 800 dirhams a month.

But everyone agrees, he's worth it - because nobody else would have the courage to do the job!  

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Good old Days

Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days....................
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"When I were a boy, Momma would sent me down to t'corner store wi' a dollar, and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes, two loaves o'
bread, three pints o' milk, a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea, an' 'alf a dozen eggs.

Ya' can't do that now.
Too many f*ckin' security cameras."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

What Next

“Wisdom is knowing what to do next,

Skill is knowing how to do it

and virtue is doing it.”

David Stare

Monday, December 14, 2009

Stoned

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint
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when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala!

What are you doing?'
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The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
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So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
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The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

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'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said,
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'Fuuuuuuck, dude...
How much water did you drink!?'

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'

'Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

'Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband #5 was an Engineer,he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was.......... God I miss him.

' But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?

'You're with the GOVERNMENT..
This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Cleavage

Remember it is like looking onto the sun. You’re not supposed to stare at it.

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Sunday, December 6, 2009

Quote for today

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
  - P. G. Wodehouse

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
  - Philip Guedalla

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
  - Jean-Paul Sartre

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Judge Judy

I think that this is the best quote of the decade.

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Judge to Prostitute :

" So when did you realize you were raped? "

Prostitute, (wiping away tears) :  " When the cheque bounced. "

National Health Celebrates 60 Years

image A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS   hospital and this conversation follows:

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree.

She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'


'Do you know which ward she is in?'
'Yes, ward P, room 2B'
'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'
'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'


'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'


'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'


'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'


'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b.

Nobody tells you f**k all in here '