Will I live to see 85?

My mate recently picked a new primary care doctor.

I am past seventy two he told her so to put him at ease she scheduled some exhaustive tests over the next two visits.

In summary she said scanning the final lab report, she told “it seems you are doing fairly well, for your age.”

A little concerned about that comment, he couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' he replied. 'And I'm not doing any drugs, either!'

“Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'He said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

No, I don't,' he said.

“And do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' none of that either “...

Her face took on wry look at hopelessness as she lifted her eyes from her notes and looking over her the top of her glasses she asked, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

 

(I think there has to be a message for us all in there somewhere)

Creative Calendar from a Retirement Home.

‘Growing old’ is mandatory, ‘growing up’ is optional !! And If you haven’t grown up by the time you are FIFTY then you damn well don’t have to !!!

The Contilia Retirement Group in Essen, Germany, who follow this maxim produced a calendar where seniors amazingly recreated famous movie scenes.  The  shoot was done with professional stylists and photographers to make sure  everything looked as cool as possible. The technical age of all 19 youthful seniors pictured ranged for youngest being 77 to the oldest at 98 years old.


JANUARY

James  Bond

Wilhelm Buiting, 89


FEBRUARY


Breakfast  at Tiffany’s
Marianne Brunsbach, 86

MARCH

Titanic
Erna Rütt, 86, und Alfred Kelbch, 81

APRIL

Rocky
Erwin J. von der Heiden, 80


MAY

Mary  Poppins
Erna Schenk, 78


JUNE

The  Seven Year Itch
Ingeborg Giolbass, 84, und Erich Endlein, 88

JULY

Blues  Brothers
Margarete Schmidt (r.), 77, und Lothar Wischnewski 76

AUGUST

Cabaret
Martha Bajohr, 77

SEPTEMBER

Giant
Joanna Trachenberg, 81, und Horst Krischat, 78

OCTOBER

Saturday  Night Fever
Irmgard Alt, 79, und Siegfried Gallasch, 87

NOVEMBER

Dirty  Dancing
Johann Liedtke, 92 und Marianne Pape, 79

DECEMBER

Easy  Rider
Walter Loeser, 98 und Kurt Neuhaus, 90

Advice for an older guy at the gym....

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in ....

I asked the trainer standing next to me,
"What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"

The trainer looked me over and said;

"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

Who wants to be a millionaire?

You only need 4 correct out of 10 questions and you could be .

1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What colour is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

ANSWERS)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8 ) What colour is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

What do you mean, you failed? Me, too! And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!  OR you have seen this one before?

The Eyeborg: Hearing Colors

 

This TedEx video has to be one the most exciting potentials of mankind.

How I wish. A whole life experience onto a USB stick. Or even better in the cloud as open source….

Available to all. Only real problem will be to provide context to individual's dimensions…..

 

Here is the test reproduced at that site

Artist Neil Harbisson was born completely color blind, but these days a device attached to his head turns color into audible frequencies. Instead of seeing a world in gray-scale, Harbisson can hear a symphony of color - and yes, even listen to faces and paintings.

Neil Harbisson's "eyeborg" allows him to hear colors, even those beyond the range of sight. Watch this fascinating lecture he gives where he gives many examples of what one can do with such a sense.

_____________________________________________________________

We don’t stop laughing when we get old, We get old when we stop laughing!

Sons grow up so soon......

A young teenage boy comes home at 7pm,

His dad says "Where were you ?"
"I was with Sarah." He replied.
"What were you doing ?"
"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are great."
"Wash your hands son; they're donuts."

Let us pray

Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folks.

Six Truths in Life

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, It is a physical impossibility.
2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.

I sincerely apologise, but I'm an idiot and needed company.

You have 2 options...close, or share this to put a smile on someone's face

Question: Is sex Work?

 A Navy Colonel was about to start the morning briefing .

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel posed a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. And he then posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Major chipped in with “its 75% work:. A Captain came back with 50%-50%. and a lieutenant said “I vote its 75% in favor of pleasure, depending on my inebriation state at the time.”

Being no consensus, the colonel asked to the PFC making coffee for his opinion.

“Without hesitation he replied “Sir, I say it has to be 100% pleasure.”

The Colonel, surprised by his directness, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them..

Defining Democracy

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." - James Bovard

Today’s Wisdom Jan 29

Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one.
  - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
  - Hector Berlioz

Partying is such sweet sorrow.
  - Robert Byrne

Quote for today

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
  - P. G. Wodehouse

Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people.
  - Philip Guedalla

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
  - Jean-Paul Sartre

Today's Wisdom June 6, 2009

Image via Wikipedia

Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong.
  - Dr. Thomas Fuller

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
  - Isaac Newton

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
  - Oscar Wilde

Today's Wisdom May 31, 2009

Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd.
- Edith Sitwell

'Whom are you?' he asked, for he had attended business college.
- George Ade

Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
- Albert Einstein

and

Happy Birthday

David Brown

With another year past I just wonder if he can answer al the same questions again this year.

you can see what we asked him by clicking on this link

http://hfao.blogspot.com/2008/05/dear-david-happy-birthday-mate-and-make.html

Thoughts for a today - April 27 2009

Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.
  - Leonardo da Vinci

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
  - Mark Twain

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
  - James M. Barrie

Today's wisdom Feb 22, 2009

Great part of being a grownup, you never have to do anything.
  - Peter Blake

Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily.
  - George Santayana

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
  - Mark Twain

Today's Wisdom Feb 20 2009

Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
  - Putt's Law

 

To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
  - Robert Orben

 

Life is an unbroken succession of false situations.
  - Thornton Wilder

Today's Wisdom Feb 10, 2009

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
  - Ellen DeGeneres

The second half of a man's life is made up of the habits he has acquired during the first half.
  - Fyodor Dostoevsky

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.
  - James Thurber

Feeling unappreciated as of late?

Things  Got Ya Down? Well  Then, Consider These .  .  .

In a  hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always  died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at  about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical  condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some  even thought it had something to do with the  super natural. No one could solve the mystery as  to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM  Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was  assembled to investigate the cause of the  incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few  minutes before 11:00 AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see  for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was  all about. Some were holding wooden crosses,  prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off  the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck  11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday  sweeper , entered the ward and unplugged the  life support system so he could use the vacuum  cleaner.

Still  Having a Bad Day????
The  average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the  Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00.  At a special ceremony, two of the most  expensively saved animals were being released  back into the wild amid cheers and applause from  onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a  killer whale ate them both.

Still  think you are having a Bad  Day????
A  woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing  frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his  waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to  jolt him away from the deadly current, she  whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking  his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had  been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are  Ya OK Now? - No?
Two  animal rights defenders were protesting the  cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in  Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs  broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,  stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters  were trampled to death.

What?!?  STILL having a Bad  Day????
Iraqi  terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough  postage on a letter bomb.  It came back  with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.  Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was  blown to bits.

There  now, Feeling Better?

Brilliant!!! Where does Trish Stevens find these?

Today’ Wisdom Feb 1, 2009

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. - Eric Hoffer

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. - Andy Rooney

We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. - Judith Martin