"Humour for all Occasions" is about friends sharing stories. Please enjoy & get more on "Learning About Business" at Performance Controller.com.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Deaf Sex


imageTwo deaf people get  married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to  communicate in the bedroom. With the lights out they can't see each other signing, or read lips. After several nights of fumbling the wife figures out a solution.

She writes a note to her  husband: 'Honey, Why don't we agree on some simple signals? If you want sex with squeeze my left breast  once . If you don't sex, reach squeeze my right breast two times.

The husband thinks this  is a great idea. He writes back to his wife “Ok and if you want sex with me, pull on his penis once. If not, pull on my penis two hundred and fifty times!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ralph and Edna

Just  because someone doesn't love you the way you want them  to, doesn't  mean they don't love you with all they have.  Ralph  and Edna were  both patients in a mental hospital.  One day while  they were  walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph  suddenly jumped into the deep  end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and  stayed there.


Edna promptly jumped in to  save him.  She swam to the bottom
and pulled  him out.  When the Head Nurse Director became  aware of Edna's  heroic act she immediately ordered her to be  discharged from the  hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally  stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news  she said, 'Edna, I have good news and  bad news.  The good news is you're being  discharged, since you  were able to rationally respond to a crisis by  jumping in and  saving the life of the person you love...  I have  concluded that your  act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news  is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe  belt right after you saved him.  I am so sorry, but  he's dead..'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang  himself, I put him there to dry.. 
How  soon can I go home?'

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Dress Code

This made the daily paper in Melbourne under Joke of the week. If you read the Herald Sun you would have seen it

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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Whore house

clip_image001[4]After a visit to the whore house,

a man notices green lumps on his willy,
so he goes to the doctors.
“That’s serious” says the doctor.
“You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?”
“Yes” says the man seriously.
Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts”.

 

 

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Sunday, April 3, 2011