Things to Remember During a War

 

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.

Delicate Corporate Matter

All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's office one by one until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the chairman and the ten other directors seated around a table.

He was invited to join them, which he did.

As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice,

Asked, “Have you ever had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my Secretary?”

“Oh, no sir, positively not!” Bob replied.

“Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman.

“Honest, I’ve never been close enough to even touch her!”

“You’d swear to that?”

“Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere.”

“Good, then you fire her !!!”

MALAYSIAN AIRLINES AD FROM 2 YEARS AGO (such FORESIGHT)

This item has been removed as it was in poor taste and potentially offended my Malaysian friends and all the families and friends of the perished. ….Sincerest apologies

Merry Xmas 2013

Merry Christmas everyone .Here is a thought at Christmas

And Please drink responsibly – sit down so you don’t spill any!

How trackers use geo tags in your photo upload from you phone

Are your Kids safe from predators when you snap a pic on your phone ?

According to this NBC news item, not so. 

In with a Shinny New Year and out with the Crappy Old One

Happy New Year to all of us enjoying ushering in 2013,

May it bring us all continued and/or renewed physical, mental and financial good health.

Special Best Wishes go to all Humour for all Occasion readers, contributors, friends and followers.

Actually looking back 2012 was great too, but we want to make it look crappy with better jokes in 2013.

End of an era

This month will see the end of daylight saving in the southern hemisphere the start of it in for our northern brothers and sisters.

Daylight saving bashers have become a thing of the past but not so the wise American India who still makes a good point.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When told the reason for daylight saving time the Old Indian said

“Only the government would believe that you can cut the top off a blanket and sew it back on the bottom and you have a longer blanket”

Employee of the Month

We have a winner!!

Multi-tasking at its best!

This is the level of dedication we expect from all staff! .....

Interesting too that laptop spelled backwards is potpal

Australia passports allow transgender option

Canberra : Australia this week brought in new passport rules allowing citizens to nominate their official gender as male, female or indeterminate, without having to undergo surgery as proof of a sex change.

Senator Louise Pratt, Australia's first parliamentarian with a transgendered partner -- born female but now a man -- said the change was a huge step forward.

Pratt was quote as saying

The reason this bill was passed was because Being transgender  is very distressing, and highly inconvenient ."

Another quote I saw from and Aussie leaving the country to live somewhere else said:

I am getting out because I am  worried with all this transgender legislation, they will make it compulsory.

I also wonder if they are just trying to save costs so we only need one restroom when we travel now.

Qantas and Air New Zealand Merger

Super sleuth Beth Wilde, at Black Widow investigations just posted a scoop news story about the merger activity of Qantas and Air New Zealand. In true professional style she was able to get some photo evidence below

For more About

Black Widow Investigations

contact

Elizabeth Wilde

info@BlackWidow.net.au

http://www.BlackWidow.net.au/

I do love Easter time, well I do now!!

My long time mate Mary Garnet, in Newfoundland Canada sent me this. She always puts so much of herself into the jokes she sends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One of the reasons we do this blog is so we don't clog up inboxes of our friends. But on this occasion if you are strapped for time to go buy your friends a card you are welcome to grab this and send it.

Maz will be thrilled she made some many people happy too. I can give you her number if you want to call her and thank her.it’s 1-555 something but I cant remember the rest so will add it to the comments if anyone asks. Here is her resume from our other blog.

http://sfmsl.blogspot.com/2008/11/anonymous-secrets.html

When it's okay to use the ' F ' word

Naomi from Milton Keynes UK sent this gem. Kate show this to Margie. She will get a good laugh too.

Hm!! I an not sure about the last one.. It Looks a bit serious there….

Happy Australia Day

For those not on Chinese new year, holiday, skiving off work or just out of work with the recession, it is the rest of you that have to do the work today,

But one thing you should also be aware of too is in Australia today it is a public holiday, so the Aussies are not working either.

So what better way for us to celebrate our National Day than to give everyone, ourselves included a modern history lesson about our country.

Click on the picture to see the PowerPoint I agree with Janet, some things just don't need introduction. Interesting too Janet is from Milton Keynes in England

Dear Margaret

I could not possibly comment, but hope it gives you a smile.

Love Janet

TOO RIGHT MATE, IT'S ALL RIDGEY DIDGE.