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Sunday, June 24, 2012

Why I got banned from Target

After I retired, my wife insisted I accompany her on trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I find shopping boring. Yesterday my dear wife received a letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs Samuel,
Over the past few months, your husband has caused commotions in our store.. We cannot tolerate his behaviour and have been forced to ban him from our store .

Complaints against your husband are listed here as also documented by our surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's carts.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off every 5-minutes.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice in the passage to the women's restroom.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. Aug14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
9. Sep 4: Used a security camera as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. Sep 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. Oct 3: Darted around suspiciously humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. Oct 6: In auto depart, practiced his 'Madonna look' with different sized funnels.
13. Oct 18: Hid in clothing racks & yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME! as people browsed '
14. Oct 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a foetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

The final straw was

15. Oct 23: when in a fitting room, he shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

Have a nice day

Your sincerely

Target Management