Rural Australian Computer Terminology

A  little  bit of Aussie   Kulcha.....   LOG ON:                          Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.  LOG OFF:                         Not adding any more wood to the barbie.  MONITOR:                       Keeping an eye on the barbie.  DOWNLOAD:                 Getting the firewood off the Ute.  HARD DRIVE:                 Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.  KEYBOARD:                     Where you hang the Ute keys.  WINDOW:                          What you shut when the weather's cold.  SCREEN:                           What you shut in the mozzie season.  BYTE:                                What mozzies do.  MEGABYTE:                   What Townsville mozzies do.  CHIP:                                 A bar snack.  MICROCHIP:                 What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.  MODEM:                         What you did to the lawns.  LAPTOP:                         Where the cat sleeps.  SOFTWARE:                    Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.  HARDWARE:                 Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.  MOUSE:                           The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.  MAINFRAME:                 What holds the shed up.  WEB:                                 What spiders make.  WEBSITE:                       Usually in the shed or under the verandah.  SEARCH ENGINE:       What you do when the Ute won't go.  CURSOR:                       What you say when the Ute won't go.  YAHOO:                            What you say when the Ute does go.  UPGRADE:                    A steep hill.  SERVER:                       The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.  MAIL SERVER:             The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.  USER:                               The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. NETWORK:                   What you do when you need to repair the fishing net. INTERNET:                   Where you want the fish to go. NETSCAPE:                  What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net. ONLINE:                       Where you hang the washing. OFFLINE:                      Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough