Tatoo of the year (do)

My son told me, Dad, I would like to have a tattoo.  I told him No, nobody has one in our family ... and you are not having one.  

He asked me, Why not ? All my friends have a tattoo !   I told him, It would be a stain on your body ! 

He pleaded with me, Dad, please, please, just a Cartoon Character on the belly ?  And after many hours of discussion I gave in and decided to let him.  

After all, he was a young man with his own freedom of choice ...  and I thought ...  a Cartoon Character ... is probably not so bad ! but it turn out.........

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'Are these my brains?

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains? '

Not yet,' she replied

BBC archives Yield 1986 Soda Water dogs

Half Wit

A man owned a small farm in Australia.
The Tax Office claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday and a slab of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday"
'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 per week plus free room and board. She doesn't work on Sundays and I provide paid satellite television for free in her room.
'Then there's the half-wit.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

Hang in here Sunshine

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

           What  is the difference between girls/women
Aged 8, 18,  28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

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At  8

You  take her to bed and tell her a  story

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At 18

You  tell her a story and take her to  bed  

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At  28

You  don't need to tell her a story
To take her to  bed  

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At  38

She  tells you a story and takes you to  bed

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At  48

She  tells you a story to avoid going to  bed

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At 58

You  stay in bed to avoid her story  

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At  68

If  you take her to bed, that'll be a  story  

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At  78

What  story? What bed?
Who the hell are  you?  

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According  to the
Office for National  Statistics

190,374
People  are having sex right now

212,130
Are  kissing

And one poor ole fart
Is reading  emails

You  hang in there sunshine!