New Cock or Old Cock I thought I’d Seen it all ..

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. 
THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID, 
"THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES." 
"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT.   "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER." 

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE.

THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER

UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE. 
"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED. 
"WHAT?" SAID MARGE. 
"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT." 
"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE? 
"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED. 
"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL" 
"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, 
"BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"

A teacher's story about Stuttering

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says

A little girl raises her hand.. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty
and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start
and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl.

'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF,"
but before she could say 'Fuck-off !,' the Rottweiler ate her!

The teacher had to leave the room.

What is a calorie?

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at

night and sew your clothes tighter.

MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!

Thanksgiving Cheer

There is along queue to board the plane in Kuala Lumpa so I just have time to post this joke I got from Maz

THE QUEEN'S RIDDLE

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England .  He asked her, "Your
Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? 

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, "But how do I know the people are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of her tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
The Queen pushed her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here?"
Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please,  Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went home to ask Joe Biden, his vice president the same
question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister.  Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one..."

Biden went to his advisors and asked every one, but none knew. Finally, he ended up in the men's room and recognized Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Biden asked Powell, "Colin, can you answer this for me?  Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister.  Who is it?"
Colin Powell yelled back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!"  Then, he went back to Obama.
"Say,  I did some research and the answer is. It’s Colin Powell!"

Obama got up and angrily yelled into his face, "No! you idiot!  It's Tony Blair!"