Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was fucking skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."
An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs have been found behind the Job Centre in Frankston in Australia Locals are in a state of shock. They had no idea they had a Job Centre!
Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk".
Husband says” that's not true.. sometimes I want a kebab"
An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstasy have been found behind the Job Centre in Frankston.
The locals are said to be in a state of shock.
A man approaches a young woman in a shop.He says "I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
"Sure, do you have any idea where your wife is?"
"Not a clue," he says, "but whenever I talk to a woman with tits like yours, she appears out of nowhere!"
My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a "roger".
It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my cock out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!!
David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week the forms will only be printed in English.
Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in three ships - two full of sand and one full of cement.
It was a mortar attack.