Jerry’s Irish One liners - It helps if your are British

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.
Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"
Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was fucking skint."
Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

An  assortment of high powered weapons and a stash  of drugs have been found  behind the Job  Centre in Frankston in Australia Locals are in a state of  shock. They had no idea they had a Job  Centre!

Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk".
Husband says” that's not true.. sometimes I want a  kebab"

An  assortment of high powered weapons and a stash  of drugs including cocaine, heroin and ecstasy have been found  behind the Job  Centre in Frankston.
The locals are said to  be in a state of  shock.

A man approaches a young woman in a shop.He says "I  can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
"Sure, do you have any idea where your  wife is?"
"Not a  clue," he says, "but whenever I talk to a woman  with tits like yours, she  appears out of  nowhere!"

My sexy  Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a  "roger".
It was only when I had my  trousers round my ankles  and my cock out, that I realised she wanted to  rent her spare room out!!

David  Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult  to claim benefits. From next week the forms  will only be printed in  English.

Sky news  report. The  Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
They sent in three ships - two full of sand  and one full of cement.
It was a mortar attack.