The Dog

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door.

He does this again and again. No answer.

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.

The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, my arse.........it's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

Are you living or just awake??

This lovely story is inspiring ..If true it would include a name but consider it is anyway in view of the really great point it makes.

On the first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.  I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, ’Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?' I laughed and enthusiastically responded; 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.

'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked.

She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'

'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Every day over the ensuing months we would leave class together and talked nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me!

I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.'
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.

Anybody! Can grow older.  That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.’ 

She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example.

She understood that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be and that we make a living by what we get. but we make a Life by what we give.

Using Actung response to win one-up-man-ship game

A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle was saying how lazy the British are.as he told some friends he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, Belgium, up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in two days.

An old Geordie man listening nearby mutters.......Way Aye  man....I used to pick up my load in Newcastle drop off in Hamburg and be back in Newcastle the same day.

The German trucker snorted and said....Oh Yeah....what rig were you driving ?
The old fella replied....... A LANCASTER BOMBER !!!!!!!!!!

~000~

Why Teachers continue to drink heavily

The following questions were in a second chance General Education  Development (GED) examination. The absence of citation does not mean the responses are not genuine .

Q. What is a turbine?

A.... Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Q. How is dew formed.
A... The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A.... If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A.... Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs . (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A.... When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A.... He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A.... Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A.... Keep it in the cow.(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A.... The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A.... A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A.... Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A.... Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A.... The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A.... A Roman Emperor. � (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.... Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Child's description of a thunderstorm.

A little girl walked to and from school daily. One day as the she was heading home the winds whipped up fast, along with lightning and thunder.

The mother also saw the weather and being concerned for her daughter being frightened and coming to harm, she drove the route to her child's school.

When she saw her little girl walking, she noted that at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile.

When she drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called,

"What are you doing?"

The child answered,

"I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

~000~