A Bridge from God

A man riding his Harley along a Victorian beach when suddenly above his head the booming voice of the Lord said 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said 'Thanks can you build a bridge to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want.

The Lord said 'Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. Take a moment more to think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said' Lord. I wish that I and all men could understand women and how I can make a woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Wanted Adds:

Wanted Adds: 

Good Man

About 90 Years Old. Half Blind, Bad leg, Good with Gin, To Watch My Wife While I’m Out Hunting

Good Woman

Must be able to Clean, Cook, Sew , Dig Worms and Clean Fish

Must have Boat and Motor

Please send a picture of Boat and Motor

Logical

Two Irish builders (Patrick and Seamus) are in a pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits
on a stool at the bar.
They start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Pat: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Seamus: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Pat: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself until the volume of beer gets the better of Pat. In the toilet he sees that the suit at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.
Pat: - 'Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession
Pat: - Oh? What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?
Pat: - Er ... mmm ...... well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Pat: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Pat: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Pat: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ....... built it myself!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical that you haven't built it just for yourself so you are
probably married? And with a family?
Pat: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and four children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Pat: - Yep! Five times a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?
Pat: - Do what? Not me, mate!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Pat: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Pat: - I see! That's pretty impressive.. Thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Pat returns to his mate.
Seamus: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Pat: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Seamus: - What's that then?
Pat: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Seamus: - Nope
Pat: - Well then, you're a wanker

What is wrong with this building site?

 

 

Yes you guessed right

Wash Them First

This incident apparently happened. It is not a joke.

A woman drank from a normal coke can which she had in her refrigerator. She later died from Leptospirosis a toxic deadly disease traced to the can. On the top of the can was found dried rat urine containing the Leptospirosis.

Studies have shown that the tops of cans can be contaminated with bacteria as they are typically stocked in warehouses and transported straight to the shops without being cleaned.

As a precaution it is recommended washing cans before putting them to your mouth. This applies to all cans, yes beer and juice cans too!!