Deep EsotericThought

*Maharishi Fattifatbastard's Guide to Zen*The journey of a thousand miles begins with....... a broken fan belt and a flat tyre
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The darkest hours come just before the dawn. If you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's when to do it.
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Sex is like air. It ‘s only important when you aren't getting any.
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Remember, no-one is listening......... until you fart.
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Never forget that you are unique, just like everyone else.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments
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Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to
fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again?
It was probably worth it.
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Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
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Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad
judgment.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
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A closed mouth gathers no feet.
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There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman.
Neither one works.
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Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on
our behind. From there on in, life gets worse