THE MONKS...

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, he goes to the head abbot to point out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy that error would be continued in all of the copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

He goes down to the caves underneath the monastery to the original manuscripts in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot . . .

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing. His forehead is bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,  

"We missed the R !  We missed the R ! We missed the R !"

"The word was...

"CELEBRATE !!!"

From the Catalog

Two IRISH MEN were looking at a
Mail order catalogue and admiring the models.

One says to the other,
'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'

The second one replies,
'Yes, they are very beautiful.
And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes,
'Wow, they aren't very expensive.
At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back.
'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful
As she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later,
The youngest redneck IRISHMAN asks his friend,
'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered
From the catalogue?'

The second IRISHMAN replies......

SCROLL DOWN ... YOU'LL LOVE IT!

'No, but it shouldn't be long now.
She sent all her clothes yesterday?

Did the Spanish women invent the computer?

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into , male and female, and asked each group to compete to decide whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. with four reasons.
The men's group proposed 'computers” as feminine gender ('la computadora'), because

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, concluded computers should be masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

It was an open lay down misère The women won.
('Lay Down Misere' is Australian gambling slang for a "dead cert"; a predicted easy victory)

Tongue Indicator for STROKE IDENTIFICATION

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator,  Neurologists say if they can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours they can totally reverse the effects of a stroke.... During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and fell – Embarrassed she recovered and assured everyone that she was fine and had just tripped because of her new shoes. They got her a new plate of food and she went on enjoying herself for the rest of the meal before she left with her husband. Her husband called later to say that his wife had been taken to the hospital and had died. She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. If someone had recognized the symptoms and called for help she may have been fine today .... RECOGNIZING A STROKE One simple test of a stroke is to ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If it is 'crooked', goes to one side or the other that is an indication of a stroke. Also use the first three letters STR. as a guide to ask questions to recognize a stroke S  *Ask the person to SMILE. T  *Ask the person to TALK (Coherently) (I.e. It is sunny out) R  *Ask The person to RAISE BOTH ARMS. If they have trouble with ANY of these, call emergency

Jewish Sunbathing In Florida

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers, Florida. She noticed that a man her age, also in good shape place his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied as he continued reading.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago. Do you live around here?" She asked.

"Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"