I no speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. The poor lady was not very good in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...

(Ok so now you can scroll down to see the punch line)

What are were you thinking?

Her husband speaks English dummy!

Now get back to your emails. I worry about you Sometimes!

Not so fast

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,  
"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,
"S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,
"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,
"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,
"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,
"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,
"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh. 

{i’ll pay that too one Maz. had me too)

And you thought the good ideas were all taken!

JET SKIS AREN'T FOR EVERYONE Sorta Gives new meaning to the terms   Low rider, high tide, and full moon! Not to mention: Crack kills!

Obama’s new pet

BLIND COWBOY

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. 
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"   
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,

considering that you are blind,  that you should know five things: 
       1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 
       2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 
       3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black

belt in karate. 
       4.. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 
      5.   The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 
Now, think about it seriously, Mister.  Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 
"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

 

(oldie but still a good one.I am surprised we have not had this one before. Thanks Maz)