"Humour for all Occasions" is about friends sharing stories. Please enjoy & get more on "Learning About Business" at Performance Controller.com.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Puns for Educated Minds!

1. The fattest of King Arthur's knight was Sir Cumference. He ate too much pi.

2.I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it was an optical Aleutian.

3.She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.

4 A pistol confiscated from an algebra class, as a weapon of math disruption.

5.No matter how much you push the envelope, It'll still be stationery.

6.A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

8.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10.Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other:

'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13.I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15.A midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.

17.A backward poet writes inverse.

18.In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19.When cannibals ate a missionary, They got a taste of religion.

20.If you jumped off the bridge in Paris,You'd be in Seine.

21.A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The stewardess  says,'I'm sorry, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22.Two fish swim into a concrete wall.One turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

23.Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, and lit a fire to keep warm. Soon It sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24.Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25.A Buddhist refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.A person sent ten puns to friends, to make them laugh. No pun in ten did.