Very clever artists

 

My favorite below / clever.............

NEWSPAPERS

A guide to keep in the political news as reported by our newspapers in perspective

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

12. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

13. The Seattle Times and most other newspapers are read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

ELEVEN PEOPLE ON A ROPE

Eleven people were hanging on a rope,
under a helicopter. ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them
all, so they decided that one had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,
because, as a woman, she was used to giving up
everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and
was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping ...

 

SEND THIS TO AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, FOR SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY ! AND TO ALL THE MEN WHO THINK THEY ARE INTELLIGENT !

 

( I don’t write these guys. I just publish them for my wonderful women friends so the can think they stull have the upper hand)

Having Nun of that means Priests don’t have it all.

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:

#1, you have to be single, and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must Confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK...my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween Party.'

All Time Top 5 Smart Arse Answers– Remember them?

SMART ARSE ANSWER 5
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row..
"What are my choices?" the man asked. 
"Yes or no," she replied.

 
SMART ARSE ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Woolworths store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. 
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
 

SMART ARSE ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 
"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said. 
The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could." 
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

 
SMART ARSE ANSWER 2
A truck driver was driving along on a country road.  A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars were backed up for miles.  Finally, a police car arrived.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"
The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR AND NUMBER 1!
A teacher at West Australian High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.  I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering..
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
"Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.