Greek Bailout Explained

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating and the streets deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. This day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Co-op takes the €100 and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory,   pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.No one earned anything.However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how the bailout package works!

GRENADE TRAINING 101

A hand grenade can go off in 4-5 seconds.

Ever hear the saying "throws like a girl"?

Not sure the Indian Prime Minster could say that after his gratuitous gaffe when he said. “I am happy that Bangladesh Prime Minister, despite being a woman, has declared zero tolerance for terrorism.

But it seems US marines are not constrained by #DespiteBeingAWoman political incorrectness.  In the (new) Marine Corps (with women in combat), this is what GRENADE TRAINING 101 looks like....filmed on location at Camp Pendelton, CA

 

 

watch the live link here.  http://i.imgur.com/t3CF25z.gif

This is a most interesting English lesson. I did not know that:

1. "listen" and "silent" use the same letters,
2. "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car",
3. "eat" if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells "ate",
4. "illegal immigrants," if you rearrange the letters and add a few more, it spells,"Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, twits."

How weird is that?

OLD FART PRIDE

I never really liked the terminology "Old Farts" but this makes me feel better and actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see.

Old Farts are easy to spot at sporting events or the movies; during the playing of the national anthem. Old Farts remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment.  They know the words and believe in them.

Old Farts aroond the world remember World War II, Normandy  Pearl Harbour ,  Guadalcanal and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .

If you bump into an Old Fart he will apologize. If you pass an Old Fart on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old Farts trust strangers and are courtly to women.

Old Farts hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection.

Old Farts get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies.

Old Farts have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about  their children or grandchildren.

It's the Old Farts who know their country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women working for and serving their country.

This country needs Old Farts with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values.

I was taught to respect my elders.We need Old Farts now more than ever.It's just getting harder to find them.

A Simple Life Well Lived

Can a person have too much success? Here is story about a Mexican fisherman that shows success in a simple life well lived.

A Little Story

The businessman at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village saw a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large Yellowfin Tuna.

The businessman complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The businessman then asked why he didn't stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The businessman then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos; I have a full and busy life, señor."

The businessman pondered a moment and then said

“maybe I could help you. If you spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats; eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor and eventually open your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise."

The fisherman asked, "But señor, how long will this all take?"

To which the businessman replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, Señor?"

The businessman laughed and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions." "Millions,

OK señor sounds fine ? But then what?"

The businessman said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings”

The fisherman, smiling, looked up and said that sounds great. But maybe I can help you to save a whole lot of time by showing you how to skip the middle bit.

Then a broad Mexican grin of expectation lit up on his face as he asked, “Señor, I have an idea, Do you wanna  join me for a sip wine and play guitar with me and my amigos tonight?”

“000”

More or Less

• Our Phones – Wireless
• Cooking – Fireless
• Cars – Keyless
• Food – Fatless
• Tires –Tubeless
• Dress – Sleeveless
• Youth – Jobless
• Leaders – Shameless
• Relationships – Meaningless
• Attitudes – Careless
• Babies – Fatherless
• Feelings – Heartless
• Education – Valueless
• Children – Mannerless
• Country – Godless
 
Plus
We are SPEECHLESS,
Our Society is CLUELESS,
Our Politicians are WORTHLESS
The Claims by Unions are Ridiculous
and
This is "Priceless".

Negativity Blessed

Before the digital era, to fully develop a photo took 2 stages. The first was to make a negative, which shows subjects as darkest and the darkest area as lightest. This is useless until exposed to the light to make a positive, that shows true.  So when a negative person is doing their level best to rain on your parade, you can be sure they are only half developed. Dark ignorant people do walk among us and don’t care diddly-squat, about making our life miserable. Here is a such a story, a mini drama where a good image finally triumphed once the negative was fully exposed.  A woman was getting her hair styled before she and her husband left for a holiday in Rome .. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"" We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe we’ll see the Pope.." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman was back and came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward wait on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $50 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" “Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say ?" “He said: "Who the f........ cut your hair?"--

Plumbers to Note New Government Gazette Definitions of Pipes

Here is a page, I am told came from a 1971 Canberra Royal Commission Report on Building Practices. The final recommendations not acted on by Billy (Big Ears) McMahon as this short lived bumbling Prime Minister, was booted out.

But the findings and this page were resurrected by Tony (The Mad Monk) Abbot, the now incumbent PM. Interestingly Abbot makes Billy look like a statesman.

It is quite amazing that this man is still around, after a litany of about faces on issues and Rasputin style gaffes. This includes one where he knighted Prince Philip, who had already been a Prince and the British King Consort for 60 years.

Trying to demote him from being a royal highness to just a plain sir might be ok with Prince Philip, by trying to one-up the British Queen for an oversight in not already knighting her own husband, really did seem redundant.

Anyway enough faux-pas and history. The page is now a core of a curriculum being used by Registered Training Organizations (RTO) in Australia, and adopted in New Zealand, where being called a Hua at worst a friendly jibe on a rugby field.

The definitions, all look quite simple and easy to me. But to be sure I have not missed anything, I sought advice of some world famous mates.

Robert D Stiletto, a renowned Irish translator, sees this may not hold water.

John L Green, a Robin hood descendant and a former NZ and Western Australian Master plumber, also believes unethical plumbers are funding RTO scams by still charging copper and earthenware prices for plastic pipe.

Others say they would not be sure it is even an original Aussie finding, as judging by the language, it could have been copied from the British.

But take a look for yourself and give your opinion.

1.2.64 Definitions of Pipes per amended Government Gazette 6784A/45297/BZ/a1

1. All pipes are to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal copper or plastic, centred around the hole.
2. All pipes are to be hollow throughout the entire length ‐ do not use holes of different length than the pipe
3. The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed their OD (Outside Diameter) ‐ otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
4. The pipe is supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
   5. All pipe is to be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site. NOTE: Some vendors are now able to supply pre‐rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is recommended, as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.
5. All pipe over 150m in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it's a long pipe.
6. Pipe over 3000m in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long or short pipe.
7. All pipe over 1.8m in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor won't mistake it for a small pipe.
8. Flanges can be used on pipes. Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big holes in the middle.
9. When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left‐hand or right‐hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
10. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for uphills, the water will flow the wrong way.
11. All couplings should have either right‐hand or left‐hand threads, but do not mix the threads, otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on to one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
12. All pipes shorter than 3mm are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
13. Joints in pipes for water must be watertight. Those pipes for compressed air, however, need only be airtight.
14. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.
15. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include; Conduit, Tube, Tunnel, and Drain. Use only genuine pipes

(Yes Jerry, on Item 1 that is the correct spelling, for some, for the word centre. For those who don’t know Jerry, he is a another mate from the US and famous armchair expert, who says the page could not be from the US as they still don’t have metric measurement there yet and unlike Australia they have world class politicians and spell colour more correctly without a “u”.

 

~000~

The Ghost Riders Blues Irony

Bob Spooner and I complied this musical slide deck few years ago to raise money for the needy.. but we never got any.

It was in the last decade in 2009 so only a select few like John Lincoln, Maz Garnett, Trish Stevens. Ian Oliver, David Brown and more I won't name, who stuck by me, and know I am breaking the never repeat rule.

But I still love hearing this Blues Brothers version of the Ghost Riders in The Sky that we found to go with what we laughed out load at during assembly of the original post “What "Famous People Say ”

The irony is, it is still circulating as a now famous item itself and found its way back to me via a tweet. 

Talking of irony, one of my all time favorite quotes many chide me often for repeating in social surroundings is the Jack Nicholson one liner where he said

“ My mother never did get the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.” 

The Barbara Bush quote, obviously about Bill and another favorite, is similarly insightful, which you can read for you self. 

Its goes for 1.40 seconds so put on your earphones as you enjoy it again..

Cheers Gordie

Pearls before Swine

Tony Abbott asks the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Abbott then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"


"But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch this"
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"

Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mummy?"

The Queen smiled and said,

"Answer me this please Charlie.
Your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered

"That would be me."

"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Tony Abbott went back home to Australia by Qantas

He  decided to ask Joe Hockey the same question.
"Joe, answer this for me."

"Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister.
Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Hockey.

"Let me get back to you on that one."
He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Frustrated, Hockey went to the toilet, and found Clive Palmer there.

Joe Hockey went up to him and asked,

"Hey Clive, see if you can answer this question."
"Shoot Joe."
Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"
Clive Palmer answered,

"That's easy, it's me!"

Joe Hockey grinned, and said,

"Good answer Clive, I see it all now!"
Joe Hockey then, went back to find Tony Abbott.
"Tony, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Clive Palmer"
Tony Abbott got up, stomped over to Joe Hockey, and angrily yelled into his face,

"No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"

MALAYSIAN AIRLINES AD FROM 2 YEARS AGO (such FORESIGHT)

This item has been removed as it was in poor taste and potentially offended my Malaysian friends and all the families and friends of the perished. ….Sincerest apologies

Wetherspoons in Billericay

A group of mates , all aged 40 discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was decided they would meet at Wetherspoons in Billericay because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini skirts.
Ten years later at the age of 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Billericay because the food and service was good and the beer was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60 the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed they would meet at Wetherspoons in Billericay because they could dine in peace and quiet and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70 the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed they would meet at Wetherspoons in Billericay because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had easy access to the toilets.

Ten years later at the age of 80 the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed they would meet at Wetherspoons in Billericay because they had never been there before.

Self Exam for Alzheimer's

So you are over 45 ? You SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test.
See how fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _  _NDOM

2. F_  _K

3.  P_N_S

4.  PU_S_

5.  S_X

6.  BOO_S

 

 

 

 

 

Answers:

1.  RANDOM

2.  FORK

3.  PANTS

4.  PULSE

5.  SIX

6.  BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's.
You ARE a disgusting pervert.

Now go and get some help

2+2+2 = @#!!#!

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?

Johnny: Seven!!! SIR!

A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?

A very angry Johnny: Because,.... I've already got a cat!!!

Stevie Wonder & Tiger Woods go drinking

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...Tiger asks  Stevie , "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."

Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"

Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball
Towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Tiger: "What's your handicap?"

Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie: "Just Pick a night."

The Bridge

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help and how I can make a woman truly happy.' 

God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge'

Black Panties

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago.
Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.
Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied,
"Mom I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit.
After dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain ...
Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties
He in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"
She replied:
"My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning."
He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same --
She stood there wearing the black lacy panties,
And he was in his birthday suit --
But now he was wearing a black condom...
She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

He replied,
"I want to offer my deepest condolences"

Brilliant Photography by Put to Music

Make sure you go full screen and your sound on so you don’t miss the full creative beauty of nature .

This simply beautiful animal & landscape photography by Wyman Meinzler, a Texas state photographer, is elevated to the realms of amazing when combined with a classic Doug Smith piano recital. The Doug Smith brilliance blends superbly with his banjo and fiddle accompaniment and times beautifully to the mastery of the photos with mood transitions perfectly arranged to the shifts in tempo.

Meinzler who used to live in the old jail in Benjamin, it is said,at times he crawled a long way on his belly to get a good shot of a wild animal. The photo of the coiled rattlesnake in this series is one such picture. That appeared on the cover of a wildlife magazine in the 80s.

Doug Smith’s music is from one his many CD’s. Sadly a pickup accident paralysed him so he does not play anymore. When he did this maestro musician played only by ear and did not read music.

http://player.vimeo.com/video/22132017?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0

The pictures were taken in the TX rolling plains, cap rock to Seymour , the Fork, 6666, Waggoner Ranches and  Palo Duro Canyon .

Warning: Drinking may cause a illusion of feeling mary and gay.

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a spaz.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To some, it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
" Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Girls night out.

Two friends, had gone for a girl's night out - both were very beautiful and loving wives.

However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend, however, was wearing rather expensive panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she used that.

They then proceeded home.

The next day, one husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other's husband and said, 'These dam girls' night out have got to stop - I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties.'

You think that's bad' said the other husband, 'Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her bum that says...."From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you"