Greek Bailout Explained

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating and the streets deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. This day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Co-op takes the €100 and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory,   pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.No one earned anything.However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how the bailout package works!

All Bikers are not Bad!

A drunk walks into a biker bar orders a drink then sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He staggers to the table, looks squarely at the biggest, meanest, biker, and says: 

'I went by your grandma's house today and  I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'                 

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.          
The drunk moving in closer the leans on the table and says: 

'I got it on with your grandma too and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk then leans right up close to the biker’s face and snarls , 

"I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him in the eyes and says...'Grandpa,.......... Go home!' 

Police Response: Australia. Canada, USA.

How do you tell the difference between an Australian Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer and an American Police Officer? QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.(don't ask why, you just are and your Sergeant hates you) Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you. You are carrying your police issued Glock and you are an expert shot, however you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do? ANSWER: Australian Police Officer: Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights. 1) Does the man look poor or oppressed? 2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law? 3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger? 4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? 5) Am I dressed provocatively? 6) Could I run away? 7) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? 8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings? 9) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? 10) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what message does this send  society? 11) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? 12) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me? 13) If I raise my gun and he runs falls, knocks his head and kills himself, do I get blamed? 14) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home? Canadian Police Officer: BANG! American Police Officer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! 'click' ...Reload... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

How to recognize a gay bar

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Hope this helped !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company..
One afternoon her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..
'Who are you?' he asked him..
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' he replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'..

Manufactured in America for the Thailand Market where they were told it is left hand drive.

 

Duh! This is like pissing into the wind You get your own back.  

Larry’s Blog at New Your Parking Ticket would have a field day with this one.

http://www.newyorkparkingticket.com/Blog/

Cultural differences

The scenario is a man accidently tearing a girl's miniskirt is a busy public place.  Here are various culturally different responses ]

Tokyo - The lady bowed, and said: “The quality of the skirt is not all that good." And then out a pin, put the skirt back together.

New York - The lady pulled out a name card, gave it to him and said: "This is my lawyer's card. He will contact you about a sexual harassment suit"

Paris - The lady said with a smile: "If you do not mind, a red rose can represent your apology." The French man bought her a rose, then they went to a bar, and lastly, they went to a small hotel.

London - The lady covered the torn spot, then said with a blush on her face: "Do you mind taking me home sir? I live very close..." The English man took his jacket off, put on her shoulders; call a cab, then took her home safely.

China - The young lady slapped the guy, then: "You sex maniac. Dare to take advantage of me, I will send you to the labour camp..."

Taiwan - The girl smiled and said: "We have not come up with a price yet, and you are going to inspect the merchandise?"

Hong Kong - The girl screamed: "XXX your XXX, you think I am the cheap item on the street? Watch out, I will find someone to pierce your skin."

Korea - The girl gave him a kick, then said: "Don't you know that I am a second degree black belt in Tai Kwan Dao."

Thailand - The girl said with a gesture: "No worries honey, we are all men."

PROSTATE CHECKUP

An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor. The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The old guy obeys and says,"99".The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".Again, the old guy says, '99'."

The doctor said, "Very good". Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.

The old guy begins,

One,

Two,

Three,

You don't stop laughing because you grow old.

You grow old because you stop laughing!!

A TALE OF TWO VASECTOMIES.

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.  Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has sex with him.

Upon completion the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.

The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to perform thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient, and quicker.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.  While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.

Curious, the man asks, "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross, and they have Obama Care!"

Employee of the Month

We have a winner!!

Multi-tasking at its best!

This is the level of dedication we expect from all staff! .....

Interesting too that laptop spelled backwards is potpal

Racism on British Airways

The scene was on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg and London.

When boarding a white skin woman, found she was seated next to a man with black skin.

The woman immediately called the air Hostess and said  “You seated me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group.Give me an alternative seat.'

'Be calm please,' the hostess replied. 'Almost all the places on this Flight are taken. But I will go to see if another place is available.'

The Hostess came back a few minutes later. 'Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the economy class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there are none in the business class. either, but we still have one place in first class.'

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued: 'It is not usual for our company to permit someone from economy class to sit in the first  class. In circumstances however, the captain feels it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.

' She then turned to the black guy, and said, Sir, if you would like to,  please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in first class.'

The other passengers all watching in horror,  then stood and applauded.

~000~

This is apparently  a true story.

Old Cowboy Goes to Church

One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a very upscale and beautiful church in exclusive part of the city.
His  wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were worn and ragged but spotlessly clean.
In his hand he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn, dog-eared Bible.
The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and fine jewelry.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him.
No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled by his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him with a request "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship in church." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the cowboy and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"And what was his reply?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that he didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said he'd never been in this church."

The Old Cowboy

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

When a young woman sat down next to him, she turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

 

 

 

David,

Please tell Royston that has the be one of his best ever jokes!!!!

Cheers

Gordon

Know the cleaning staff schedule.

How to have sex in the workplace and not get caught.

Email Auto Reply Message

For the next 7 days I won't be to responding to my e-mails.
A friend is painting the ceilings in my house.  SEE BELOW


I was asked to hold the ladder and you know me. I'm always there to help. Also, do you really think five coats is enough?

ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME!!

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.  Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.  He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.  The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.  Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'  'Why?' asked the pilot.  'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'  The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . You're NOT my flight instructor?' Special note to David K "Life is short. Drink the good wine first"

Northern Lights and Fire Rainbow

Northern Lights and Fire Rainbow over Yellowknife , Canada ..

Don't skip the last picture

THIS NEXT PICTURE, IS A FIRE RAINBOW - THE RAREST OF ALL NATURALLY OCCURRING ATMOSPHERIC PHENOMENA.

THE PICTURE WAS CAPTURED THIS WEEK ON THE IDAHO / WASHINGTON BORDER. THE EVENT LASTED ABOUT 1 HOUR.

CLOUDS HAVE TO BE CIRRUS, AT LEAST 20.000 FEET IN THE AIR, WITH
JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF ICE CRYSTALS AND THE SUN HAS TO HIT
THE CLOUDS AT PRECISELY 58 DEGREES.

God's Ceiling

Beautiful sight!

SEND 'EM UP !

In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.

This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.

I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai . It's too good not to pass along.

The conversation went like this...

Iranian Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

 

Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defense Radar: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defense Radar: (no response ... total silence)

I thought you would especially appreciate this one! ...  BOB

Round the world in a time machine

I received my Google news today, time-stamped  5:18 PM Bangkok time on Monday Feb 2, 2009. It had an update from BBC News posited 49 minutes prior that reports London airports and transport today  being frozen to a standstill today.

This was newsworthy to me as My mate Danny, from the UK right now is missing all that as he travels in Oz now en-route from Perth via Portland tonight on the Great Ocean Road and tomorrow to visit my family at my home in Melbourne. Contrary to his normal UK weather, he has been experiencing oppressive heat for the last week while traveling in Australia.

But back to my Google story. I pondered on the weather extremes and did some checking to find a picture dated July last year of a UK summer heat wave. As you would image, that tells a completely different story to the one today.

The write up with this 2008 picture says “Britain basks in tropical conditions on 25th July 2008 as millions of people prepared to head off on holiday. “ The article curiously goes on to highlight the rocketing temperatures are expected to continue uninterrupted.

The picture below is supposedly taken in London today being February 2, 2009.

According to the accompanying article by a Boston.com journalist Kate Kelland, in the UK today (yes as I speak) it is being recorded as one very cold day. Her story goes on to say, "These tables stand covered in snow in London's Canary Wharf. Heavy snow brought much of London's transport to a halt today with airport runways forced to close and all bus and many train services suspended."

(Click on Picture to get, the Boston.com story )

By the way Danny you won't be surprised at the heat and the a cool coming change You already know us Aussies often go to the beach in a heat wave and an hour or so later it can be cold enough to go home to put fires on to keep warm. And invariably it rains to boot to make it more miserable.

But again, back to Kate’s story. By my count it would have been about 10AM in London time when her post went to press.

But what if Kate Kelland's is in Boston as he papers name suggest.Then the time there is 6 hours earlier, which would make it around 4am for her to get up and sent it, now a couple of hours ago my time.

  By the way for interest I just checked and the temperature is around zero at mid morning there now and it looks like Boston has some sun there  too according to the  WCVB's Live CCTV located on top of "One Financial Center in Boston"

Now being mindful of her time and if you you read her story you will see it is written in past tense, with Feb 2 being yesterday.

That's odd isn't it given it is not actually over yet.

So I wonder if for Kate the cold has caused her to catch a case of “Today is Tomorrow Yesterday “ disorder, or even worse a case of Bill Murray Ground Hog Day syndrome to make it the same again tomorrow .

Maybe before Feb 2 ends and she goes to bed, someone can sort it out for her.

Nonetheless Danny I do hope Portland is not to hot or cold tonight and thanks to a Boston reporter you get your name in the paper.

But I guess you don’t care as you will already bed in bed by now at it is midnight there so it will all makes sense by the time you read this tomorrow.

 

But as if you really Care Danny. By then you will be looking at that world wonder, Twelve Apostles that make that coast Ocean coast road so special.

 

It is now nearly 7PM here in Bangkok and I am done for the day and off to get a beer.

 

Cheers .

Cheers Gordon