| Before the digital era, to fully develop a photo took 2 stages. The first was to make a negative, which shows subjects as darkest and the darkest area as lightest. This is useless until exposed to the light to make a positive, that shows true. So when a negative person is doing their level best to rain on your parade, you can be sure they are only half developed. Dark ignorant people do walk among us and don’t care diddly-squat, about making our life miserable. Here is a such a story, a mini drama where a good image finally triumphed once the negative was fully exposed.
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Thursday, March 26, 2015
Negativity Blessed
Friday, January 30, 2015
Bill Clinton’s Daily Jog
At first he would brace himself as she would cry out from the curb. "Fifty dollars!"
This ritual changed when one day Bill decided to take the offensive and began to call back "No, Five dollars!"
When Hillary retired as the secretary of state, she decided to accompany Bill.
As they neared the problematic street corner, Bill worried what Hilary would think he'd really been doing when the pro barked her $50 offer
Sure enough, the hooker was there, but this time, she yelled, "See what you get for five bucks!?"
~000~
Sunday, January 25, 2015
A Jim and Irene best of the best
Jim and Irene are flying to Australia for a two-month vacation.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces: "Ladies and Gentlemen, Uur engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Jim turns to his wife and asks, "Irene, did we pay our Visa and MasterCard bill yet?"
“No, sweetheart," she responds.
Jim, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Irene, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry Jim . I forgot to send that cheque too,” she says.
"One last thing Irene. Did you remember to send the installment cheque for Income Tax this month?"
"Oh, forgive me, Jim," begged Irene. "I didn't send that one, either."
Jim grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Irene pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
Jim answers “They’ll find us!”
Monday, January 19, 2015
WELCOME to 2015:
• Cooking – Fireless
• Cars – Keyless
• Food – Fatless
• Tires –Tubeless
• Dress – Sleeveless
• Youth – Jobless
• Leaders – Shameless
• Relationships – Meaningless
• Attitudes – Careless
• Babies – Fatherless
• Feelings – Heartless
• Education – Valueless
• Children – Mannerless
• Country – Godless
Plus
We are SPEECHLESS,
Our Society is CLUELESS,
Our Politicians are WORTHLESS
The Claims by Unions are Ridiculous
and
This is "Priceless".
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Eleven Long Minutes
A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.
At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer'?
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing?'
The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the trooper says: 'And what is she doing?'
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'
Now, the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane and nothing inappropriate is happening!
The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man?'
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'
The trooper asks: 'And what's her age?'
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.'
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.*
BUT JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK - "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ..
OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE - 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT Mr Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG.
THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION.
HERE IS THE ANSWER TO "WHO WAS MR GORSKY":
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE
BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW.
HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY, "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
Monday, February 10, 2014
Don't mess with Mature Lady’s
I love this story . If you have seen it before & know the end I bet you still read it thru again
A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding..In the conversation sequence of events following she is referred to as “Older Women”
The Traffic Cop walks to offending car and beckons her to wind down her window, which she does.
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.
Traffic Cop: Don't have one?
Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Traffic Cop: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Traffic Cop: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Traffic Cop: You what!?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The traffic cop looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car. .
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The traffic cop is quite stunned.
Officer 2: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license quizzically.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, but I am puzzled. My officer here said you didn't have a license, you stole this car, and you murdered and hacked up the owner!
Older Woman: Bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Butter side up and as Irish as it can get…. to be sure to be sure
"Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor. It lands butter-side-up.
He looks at what he has done in astonishment, for he knows it’s a law of nature that buttered toast always falls butter-down.
He rushes round to the presbytery to fetch the priest. He tells the priest that he thinks a miracle has happened round at his flat.
He won’t say what it is but wants Fr Flannagan to see it with his own eyes. He brings Fr Flannagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor."
"“Well,” says the priest, “it’s pretty obvious what we have here. Someone dropped some buttered toast, and then for some reason flipped it over so that the butter was on top.”"
“No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that.”
“Well,” Fr Flannagan says, “it’s certainly a natural law of the universe that dropped toast never falls butter side up. But it’s not for me to say it’s a miracle. I’ll report the matter to the bishop, and have him send people round, to interview you, take photos, etc.”
"An investigation of some rigour is conducted, not only by priests of the archdiocese, but by scientists sent from the Curia in Rome. The final ruling is a negative, however. It reads:"
"“It was certainly an extraordinary event that occurred in Murphy’s room, quite outside the normal run of the phenomena.
Yet we have to be very cautious before ruling any happening miraculous, ruling out all possible natural explanations. In this case we declared no miracle.
For it was possibly the result of Murphy buttering the toast on the wrong side.”
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Mistaken Identity
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.
She says, "Hello."
He's rather taken aback, because he can't place her. So he asks, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think that you're the father of one of my kids."
His mind races back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
He asks, "Are you the stripper at the bachelor party I made love on the pool table, while all of my buddies were watching?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Heaven Arrival Counter
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry, too.
I knew she was into some hanky panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.
On seeing he was still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died." The clerk thanked him and sent him onto the next office.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot.
I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."
The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.
He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you."
"I don't know" replies the man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding' in this cedar chest....."
Today, May 31 we wish David Brown a very happy birthday. Good on you mate!!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Unique A-Z Collection of Live Concerts
Some people clearly have too much free times on their hands. But busy people are glad they do.
In this case someone has made a superb collection of music called “From Abba to Zeppelin”
Here the special thrill of an artist perform live, with passion and energy can be re-lived .
Comprising FULL concerts of over 100 artists and bands, this has been compiled from a variety genres, styles and ages, performed in cities around the world.
In some you may have to look for the *watch live on YouTube* link but it gets you there with hours of great music in all catalogued in one place.
 Click Here to Watch | ABBA - USA 1980 |
| Adele - London, England 2011 | |
| Aerosmith - Tokyo, Japan 2002 | |
| a-ha - Oslo, Norway 2001 | |
| Alicia Keys - New York, NY 2005 | |
| Amy Winehouse - Glastonbury, England 2008 | |
| Amy Macdonald - Open Air Festival, Czech Republic 2012 | |
| Arctic Monkeys - Manchester, England in 2008 | |
| Avril Lavigne - Calgary, Canada 2007 | |
| Barry Manilow - 2011 | |
| Barry White - a selection of performances | |
| Beach Boys - The Lost Concert 1964 | |
| Beatles - Melbourne, Australia 1964 | |
| Bee Gees - MA, USA 2001 | |
| Beyonce - Glastonbury, England 2011 | |
| Billy Joel - Tokyo, Japan 2006 | |
| Blur - Glastonbury, England 2009 | |
| Bon Jovi - Udinese, Italy 2011 | |
| Bob Marley - Dortmund, Germany 1980 | |
| Britney Spears - London, England 2000 | |
| Bruce Springsteen - Glastonbury, England 2009 | |
| Celine Dion - Memphis, USA | |
| Christina Aguilera - London, England 200 | |
| Coldplay - Austin, Texas, Christmas eve 2011/2012/span> | |
| Cranberries - Chile 2010 | |
| David Bowie - Vancouver, Canada 1983 | |
| Deep Purple - Copenhagen / New York 1972-1973 | |
| Depeche Mode - Paris, France 2001 | |
| Diana Ross - Sweden 1968 | |
| The Doors- Hollywood, USA 1968 | |
| Duran Duran - London, England 2004 | |
| Elton John - Rome, Italy 2005/span> | |
| Elvis Costello - Cologne, Germany 1978 | |
| Elvis Presley - Hawaii, USA 1973 | |
| Eminem - New York, NY 2005 | |
| Enrique Iglesias - Belfast, Ireland 2007 | |
| Eric Clapton - Windsor, England 1992 | |
| Frank Sinatra - Tokyo, Japan 1985 | |
| Franz Ferdinand - Glastonbury, England 2009 | |
| Genesis - Dusseldorf, Germany 2007 | |
| Green Day - Italy 2005 | |
| Guns and Roses - Paris, France 1992 | |
| Gypsy Kings - Los Angeles, California, USA 1990 | |
| James Blunt - Nyon, Switzerland 2011 | |
| Jamiroquai - Nyon, Switzerland 2010 | |
| Jay-Z - London, England 2012 | |
| Jennifer Lopez - Moscow, Russia 2012 | |
| Jimi Hendrix - Stockholm, Sweden 1969 | |
| Joe Cocker - Baden-Baden, Germany 1996 | |
| Kane - London, England 2007 | |
| Kings of Leon - Landgrf, Netherlands 2011 | |
| Kiss - Fuji, Japan 2006 | |
| Kylie Minogue - London, England 2011 | |
| Lady Gaga - Sydney, Australia | |
| Led Zeppelin - London, England 1970 | |
| Leonard Cohen - London, England 2008/9 | |
| Linkin Park - Madrid, Spain 2010 | |
| Little Richard - London, England 1972 | |
| Louis Armstrong - Belgium 1959 | |
| Luciano Pavarotti - Barcelona, Spain | |
| Madonna - Lisbon, Portugal 2004 | |
| Manic Street Fritz'rs - Scotland 2009 | |
| Mariah Carey - Morocco 2012 | |
| Metallica - Nimes, France 2009 | |
| Michael Jackson - Brunei 1996 | |
| Moby - Novi Sad, Serbia, 2009 | |
| Muse - London, England 2012 | |
| Neil Young - New York, NY 2012 | |
| Nirvana - Rome, Italy 1991 | |
| Norah Jones - Amsterdam, Netherlands 2007 | |
| Offspring - Woodstock Festival in New York, USA 1999 | |
| Phil Collins - Paris, France 2004 | |
| Pink Floyd - Venice, Italy 1989 | |
| Pixies - Brazil 2010 | |
| The Police - Cologne, Germany 1980 | |
| Prince - New York, NY 1985 | |
| Queen - Argentina 1981 | |
| Radiohead - Saitama, Japan 2008 | |
| Red Hot Chili Peppers - Paris, France 2011 | |
| REM - Hamburg, Germany 1998 | |
| Ricky Martin - New York, NY 2000 | |
| Rihanna - Manchester, England in 2007 | |
| Robbie Williams - Leeds, England in 2006 | |
| Rolling Stones - European Tour IMAX | |
| Roxette - Johannesburg, South Africa 1995 | |
| Santana - Montreux, Switzerland 2011 | |
| The Scorpions - Recife, Brazil in 2008 | |
| Shakira - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2008 | |
| The Shins- Hurricane Festival, Germany 2012 | |
| Simon and Garfunkel - New York, NY 1981 | |
| Simply Red - London, England 1998 | |
| Smashing Pumpkins - Mexico City, Mexico 2010 | |
| Stevie Wonder - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2011 | |
| Sting - Berlin, Germany 2010 | |
| System of a Down - Nuremberg, Germany 2011 | |
| Talking Heads - Rome, Italy | |
| Tina Turner - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 1988 | |
| Tom Jones - Chile 2007 | |
| Toto - Amsterdam, Netherlands 2003 | |
| The Verve - Glastonbury, England 2008 | |
| U2 - Glastonbury, England 2011 | |
| Whitney Houston - New York, NY 2009 | |
| 2Pac - House of Blues 1996 |
