Greek Bailout Explained

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating and the streets deserted.

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. This day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Co-op takes the €100 and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern.

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory,   pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything.No one earned anything.However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that is how the bailout package works!

What is Globalization?

A definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Princess Diana's death is the best way to understand globalization.

Because as an English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend she crashed in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi On Japanese motorcycles, and treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

To simplify the definition even more this is sent to you by an Australian, using American Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading it on a computer,with uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, all assembled by Bangladeshi workers In a Singapore plant, and then transported by Indian truck drivers, to ships at risk of being hijacked by Indonesians, and then unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and, if you are living in the US, trucked to you by Mexican illegals ....

That, my friends,Is Globalization !

This is a puzzle called Lateral Thinking ..

We are dispensing the jokes  and doing a puzzle today..(thanks to David Brown)

I know Robert and John will have no problem but who knows, all the rest may surprise themselves. Even Maz, who told me she went blonde last week. Also Jerry will have no problem.but we will understand if you miss a few. Bob let me know how you go ?

Here's how it works . I give you a word equation (in the bold) and you try to solve it

man

------------

board

Ans. = man overboard

Got the hang of it. but just in case we will do one more together.

One thing so this is not complete mental torture, the answers follow a bit below. But if you scroll too quick you see them and that spoils the fun. So scroll back a bit to hide it and then try to guess, before you look.  I found it fun and just so you what you have to beat, I got none. 

stand

------------

i

 

 

 

 

Ans. = I understand

OK . Got the drift ?  Let's try a few now and see how you fare on your own?

/r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = reading between the lines

r

road

a

d

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ?  Redeem yourself.

cycle

cycle

cycle

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = tricycle

easy ha .. yes how come you and I didn’t figure that out ?

0

------------

M.D.

Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !  I can say that now ….

 

knee

light

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = neon light
( knee - on - light )

U can prove u r smart by getting this one.

ground

---------------

feet feet feet feet feet feet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = six feet underground

Oh no, not again ! !  But I love it ….How many got it backwards and guesed  “feet on the ground”

ecnalg

 
 
 
 

 

Ans. = backward glance

Not even close ! !  but I se why ,, bit boring that one

death ....... life

 

 

Ans. = life after death

Hm ..alright clever dick Barry. I know you got that one

For the rest of us here is a last chance ...................

THINK

 

 

 

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is real fundoo - - -

 

abababababababababababababababababababab...

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = long time no 'C'  
what an anticlimax …lol

 
 
 

Oh well we cant all be Einstein can we? -  Keep Smiling'

Negativity Blessed

Before the digital era, to fully develop a photo took 2 stages. The first was to make a negative, which shows subjects as darkest and the darkest area as lightest. This is useless until exposed to the light to make a positive, that shows true.  So when a negative person is doing their level best to rain on your parade, you can be sure they are only half developed. Dark ignorant people do walk among us and don’t care diddly-squat, about making our life miserable. Here is a such a story, a mini drama where a good image finally triumphed once the negative was fully exposed.  A woman was getting her hair styled before she and her husband left for a holiday in Rome .. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"" We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump." "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe we’ll see the Pope.." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the woman was back and came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome . "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward wait on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $50 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!" “Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me." "Oh, really! What'd he say ?" “He said: "Who the f........ cut your hair?"--

I didn’t expect to live this long either!

Irish blonde...

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, ..... but all men...are men!

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Best friends who had graduated from medical school at the same time decided that in spite of two different specialties they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist.  They put up a sign reading:  "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors." The town council was livid and insisted they change it!

The docs then had a succession of rejections for : "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.", changed to, "Catatonics and High Colonics"... then next came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives", "Minds and Behinds" ... and "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" ... which were all found to be unacceptable! Even "Nuts and Butts",  "Freaks and Cheeks" , "Loons and Moons" were  considered no good, and met with no way, forget it rebuttals .

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends"
Everybody loved it!

GREEK LEGAL SYSTEM

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied:

"Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"

Politician in the making

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young' pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Fred's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Fred's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize", but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can't always hear the bells.

PUNOGRAPHY

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
She said she knew me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
This dyslexic man walks into a bra .
PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in London police stations were stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Stevie Wonder & Tiger Woods go drinking

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...Tiger asks  Stevie , "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."

Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"

Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."

Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball
Towards his voice."

"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger.

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."

Tiger: "What's your handicap?"

Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie: "Just Pick a night."

Survey

Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a complete failure because:
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

Smart Ass Answers

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.' SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.' SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR !! A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.' A BONUS EXTRA A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

Human Clock

This clever human clock which actually works, to give you correct time.

Click on the Pic or Link and take a look, One click on the live clock anywhere and it changes from Digital to Analog format or vice versa.

http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html

Someone out there has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.

DORMITORY Re-arranged as: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN Re-arranged as: BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER Re-arranged as: MOON STARER
DESPERATION Re-arranged as: A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES Re-arranged as: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH Re-arranged as: HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE Re-arranged as: HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES Re-arranged as: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY Re-arranged as: IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS Re-arranged as: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
MOTHER-IN-LAW Re-arranged as: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS Re-arranged as: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
A DECIMAL POINT Re-arranged as: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES Re-arranged as: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO Re-arranged as: TWELVE PLUS ONE

A Senior Moment ! A situation calling for restraint!

                Look again-- two, three times!   
           Have a laugh!!   These are .................
                    the backs of the bar stools..

A Good Queuing Tip

The other day I needed to go to the local NHS hospital but not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my blue jacket and pinned on a plastic ID card that I had made off the Internet onto the front of my jacket.
When I went into the hospital, I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.  I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.  Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. Here's the patch.
Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

It also works at all supermarkets. It saves me hours.
At the Laundry, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running!
Don't try it at McDonald's though...... The whole staff disappeared and I never got my cheeseburger !

Also.......... never wear it while trying to get a taxi !!

Clever Puns

Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
**************************
On a Plumber's  truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed.."
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
On a Church's Bill board:
"7 days without God makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tyre Store
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Car Exhaust Store:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Vets waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a

RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**********************
Sign on the back of

yet another
Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

What can a man do with three naked women?

NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED, IS IT?

Unforgettable password - a senior solution!

My memory really sucks Mildred, so i changed my password to  “incorrect”  That way  when I log in with the wrong password the computer tells me, “Your password in incorrect”