The History of the Middle Finger

 The History of the Middle Finger

Well, now......here's something I never knew before, 
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. 

Without the middle finger, it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew').

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew!  Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!  

It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.' 

Ok isn't that interesting and yew thought yew knew every plucking thing

Distinction between Guts and Balls

To those nit-pickers who argue the meaning of words, is there a medical distinction between Guts and Balls?  Both are common use terms,  but do you really know the difference?  If not, here are the definitions:

GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”’

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and having the Balls to slap your wife on the butt and say, “You're next, Chubby.”

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking however, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.

This is a puzzle called Lateral Thinking ..

We are dispensing the jokes  and doing a puzzle today..(thanks to David Brown)

I know Robert and John will have no problem but who knows, all the rest may surprise themselves. Even Maz, who told me she went blonde last week. Also Jerry will have no problem.but we will understand if you miss a few. Bob let me know how you go ?

Here's how it works . I give you a word equation (in the bold) and you try to solve it

man

------------

board

Ans. = man overboard

Got the hang of it. but just in case we will do one more together.

One thing so this is not complete mental torture, the answers follow a bit below. But if you scroll too quick you see them and that spoils the fun. So scroll back a bit to hide it and then try to guess, before you look.  I found it fun and just so you what you have to beat, I got none. 

stand

------------

i

 

 

 

 

Ans. = I understand

OK . Got the drift ?  Let's try a few now and see how you fare on your own?

/r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = reading between the lines

r

road

a

d

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = cross road

Not having a good day now, are you ?  Redeem yourself.

cycle

cycle

cycle

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = tricycle

easy ha .. yes how come you and I didn’t figure that out ?

0

------------

M.D.

Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = two degrees below zero

C'mon give it a little thought ! !  I can say that now ….

 

knee

light

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = neon light
( knee - on - light )

U can prove u r smart by getting this one.

ground

---------------

feet feet feet feet feet feet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = six feet underground

Oh no, not again ! !  But I love it ….How many got it backwards and guesed  “feet on the ground”

ecnalg

 
 
 
 

 

Ans. = backward glance

Not even close ! !  but I se why ,, bit boring that one

death ....... life

 

 

Ans. = life after death

Hm ..alright clever dick Barry. I know you got that one

For the rest of us here is a last chance ...................

THINK

 

 

 

Ans. = think big ! !

And the last one is real fundoo - - -

 

abababababababababababababababababababab...

 

 

 

 

 

Ans. = long time no 'C'  
what an anticlimax …lol

 
 
 

Oh well we cant all be Einstein can we? -  Keep Smiling'

Annual Nymphomaniacs Convention

A man boarded an plane and took his seat.  As he settled in he saw a most beautiful woman heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his..

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard and struggling to maintain his composure asked, "What's your role at the convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

That’s ok “my name is , "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Pearls before Swine

Tony Abbott asks the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Abbott then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"


"But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle, watch this"
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Prince Charles in here, would you?"

Prince Charles walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mummy?"

The Queen smiled and said,

"Answer me this please Charlie.
Your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister.
Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Prince Charles answered

"That would be me."

"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Tony Abbott went back home to Australia by Qantas

He  decided to ask Joe Hockey the same question.
"Joe, answer this for me."

"Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister.
Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Hockey.

"Let me get back to you on that one."
He went to his advisors and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Frustrated, Hockey went to the toilet, and found Clive Palmer there.

Joe Hockey went up to him and asked,

"Hey Clive, see if you can answer this question."
"Shoot Joe."
Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"
Clive Palmer answered,

"That's easy, it's me!"

Joe Hockey grinned, and said,

"Good answer Clive, I see it all now!"
Joe Hockey then, went back to find Tony Abbott.
"Tony, I did some research, and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Clive Palmer"
Tony Abbott got up, stomped over to Joe Hockey, and angrily yelled into his face,

"No! You bloody idiot! It's Prince Charles!"

20 Dead Giveaways That Someone Is British.

1. Strong opinions about queuing. Also, calling it queuing.

2. They are polite to people they hate and insult the people they like.
3. Asking them if they are okay, and they say "yeah, can't complain".
4. They ask you and everyone else in the office how you like your tea, and never ask again as they'll remember it forever.
5. When they say "Cheers" as an expression of gratitude most of the time. Oh and the 'mate' that comes next.
6. They use "quid" instead of pounds.
7. Use of telly instead of TV.
8. Use of the word 'mug' without going on to reference some kind of drink.
9. Make a cup of tea. BUT, in this order: Tea bag in, then milk and finally hot water. If they are British they will squirm.
10. When you catch their eye in public, they'll pretend to be looking for somebody else in every other direction.
11. When I was in London some British folks told me you can spot a Brit because they wear black socks.
12. No matter where they are in the world, if you ask them where they are from, they will tell you the town or county, not the country.
13. Use of the word posh.
14. British people always use the expression "half 8" meaning 8:30.
15. Ask them about the weather. It’s their go-to small talk.
16. They greet people by asking if they're alright. And the answer to "Alright?" is "Alright?"
17. Affectionate hate for the French out of a sense of national obligation.
18. They pronounce "twat" as though it rhymes with ‘hat’ or ‘cat.’
19. They are reserved and think anything done with enthusiasm is "cringey" or "cringeworthy".
20. The two questions they ask to taxi drivers are: "Been busy?" "What time you on till?"

How many do you remember?

Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.

Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom
1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.
(There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi’s
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!

I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!
Especially to all your really OLD friends...I just did!
(PS. I used a large type face so you could read it easily)

Just in case you’re planning to do a little Cooking... Two different views!!!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. Buy mashed potato mix. Keeps in the cupboard for up to a year. When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.  Go to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it for you! Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. Celery? Never heard of it!   Cure for headaches: take a lime,  cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink! All your pains go away! Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.   Left over wine???????  HELLO!!!!!! Lastly, if you don't forward this to one of your friends within the next 5 minutes, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off.

Treatment fro a Black Eye

I didn't know this!  

For years, the conventional wisdom has been that the best treatment for a black eye is to cover it with a piece of raw meat.

Scientific studies have proven that while the raw meat helps reduce the swelling and aids in the healing process, applying cold meat actually delays the recovery of the broken blood vessels that cause the bruising around the orbital socket , while frozen meat may cause superficial thermal burns to the skin.

These same studies demonstrated that application of warm and tender meat is much more effective in helping the eyes recover from the damage because the bruising isn't compounded by thermal shock.

Therefore, the next time you get a black eye, try this method:

Administer treatment until pain and swelling are gone.

Caution:  This method may cause swelling in other areas.

After 100’s of jokes we posted since WD49 finally here is something useful again

FACTS YOU MAY NOT KNOW.....................

• It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
• Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years .
• Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end .
• If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is
  Dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
• Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.
• Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
• Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
• The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every
  English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
• Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
• Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F
• The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
• Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
  The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man
• Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density
• The University of Alaska spans four time zones
• The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
• In ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
• Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.
• Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
• A comet's tail always points away from the sun
• The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent
• Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
• The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
• If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
• When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight
• In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed
  Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside
• Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams
• The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year
• The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust
• Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters
• Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy
• Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down
• Everything weighs one percent less at the equator
  For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off
• The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.

Proof That The World Is Nuts (except maybe for Guam) !

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.

Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick? WHY ?))

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!')

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time!

Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law???)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'

(Is this a great country or what? Well,.... not as great as Guam !)

Humans banging their head against a wall use 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(Did our government pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet...

(Ah, geez.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

And, the best for last?

Turtles can breathe through their butts...

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

I didn't know that either –Bonus Sunday

Playing with a full deck

Common entertainment once included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the 'Ace of Spades.' To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't 'playing with a full deck.'

********************************

'Gossip

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to 'go sip some Ale and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. 'You go sip here' and 'You go sip there.' The two words 'go sip' were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term 'gossip.'

Minding your 'P's and Q's'

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in 'pints' and who was drinking in 'quarts,' hence the phrase 'minding your 'P's and Q's'.

**********************************

And now for the Bonus : bet you didn't know this!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply stacked near to the cannon. The standard was stack of 30 is an square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which in turn rested on the bottom sixteen. which in turn were mounted in a specially made plate

This metal plate had 16 round indentations and was called a 'Monkey'. This clever design allowed all 30 cannon balls to be stacked in a way they could not roll about a very small area next to the cannon .

However, the early Monkey plates were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make 'Brass Monkeys which solved the problem' That was until the winter realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled..

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey; Thus, it was quite literally, 'Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.'

(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

I didn't know that either –Saturday

Bee’s wax and Losing face

Personal hygiene once left much room for improvement. As a result, many women

and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's

wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were

speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face

she was told, 'mind your own bee's wax.' Should the woman smile, the wax

would crack, hence the term 'crack a smile'. In addition, when they sat too

close to the fire, the wax would melt. Therefore, the expression losing face.'

 

Straight laced

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and

dignified woman, as in 'straight laced' wore a tightly tied lace.

I didn't know that–Thursday

Did you know the saying "God willing and the creek don't rise" was in reference to the Creek Indians and not a body of water? It was written by Benjamin Hawkins in the late 18th century. He was a politician and Indian diplomat. While in the south, Hawkins was requested by the President of the U.S. to return to Washington . In his response, he was said to write, "God willing and the Creek don't rise." Because he capitalized the word "Creek" it is deduced that he was referring to the Creek Indian tribe and not a body of water.

I didn't know that - Wednesday

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras.

One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.

Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are 'limbs,' therefore painting them would cost buyers more.

Hence the expression, 'Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg.' (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint.)

I didn't know that either–Tuesday

 

Big Wig'

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term 'big wig'. Today we often use the term 'here comes the Big Wig' because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy

I didn't know that either– - Monday

Early aircraft's throttles had a ball on the end of it, in order to go full throttle the pilot had to push the throttle all the way forward into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence "balls to the wall" for going very fast. Now you know, the rest of the story.

I didn't know that either–Friday

Chairman of the Board

In the late 1700's, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The 'head of the household' always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the 'chair man.' Today in business, we use the expression or title 'Chairman' or 'Chairman of the Board.'

Penguins

Ever wonder why you don't find dead penguins in Antarctica Where do they go? Well wonder no more

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic and lives an extremely ordered and complex life. 

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. 

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of  the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in  the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, When the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried, the male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:   

                         "Freeze a jolly good fellow"
                         "Freeze a jolly good fellow." 

"Then they kick him in the ice hole." 

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you!

Manure... Interesting fact about Methane production

In the 16th century, before commercial fertilizers, shipments of manure were common and also served as hold ballast in ships.

The manure was shipped dry but being stored below decks it always got wet. The build up of methane produced by fermentation in the confined spaces became volatile. Then something as simple as a lantern could cause a big BOOOM !!!.

This saw many ships destroyed before it was found what was happening. After that bundles of manure were stamped with the instruction.'Stow high in transit', which indicated it be stowed in higher decks clear of hold water.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the ages..

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

I always thought it was a golf term.