EATING IN THE FIFTIES and SIXTIES

Pasta was not eaten in Australia.Curry was a surname.   A takeaway was a mathematical problem.   A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.   All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had as whether to put the salt on or not.  Rice was only eaten as a milk pudding. Calamari was called squid and we used it as fish bait. A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.Brown bread was something only poor people ate. Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.    Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green. Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold. Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.   Fish didn't have fingers in those days.  Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi. None of us had ever heard of yoghurt. Healthy food consisted of anything edible. People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy. Indian restaurants were only found in India.   Cooking outside was called camping. Seaweed was not a recognized food. "Kebab" was not even a word, never mind a food.  Prunes were medicinal. Surprisingly, muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed. Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than petrol for it​, ​ they would have become a laughing stock!! But the one thing that we never ever had on our table in the sixties .." Elbows or Phones”.

A Simple Life Well Lived

Can a person have too much success? Here is story about a Mexican fisherman that shows success in a simple life well lived.

A Little Story

The businessman at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village saw a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large Yellowfin Tuna.

The businessman complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The businessman then asked why he didn't stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The businessman then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos; I have a full and busy life, señor."

The businessman pondered a moment and then said

“maybe I could help you. If you spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats; eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor and eventually open your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise."

The fisherman asked, "But señor, how long will this all take?"

To which the businessman replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, Señor?"

The businessman laughed and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions." "Millions,

OK señor sounds fine ? But then what?"

The businessman said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings”

The fisherman, smiling, looked up and said that sounds great. But maybe I can help you to save a whole lot of time by showing you how to skip the middle bit.

Then a broad Mexican grin of expectation lit up on his face as he asked, “Señor, I have an idea, Do you wanna  join me for a sip wine and play guitar with me and my amigos tonight?”

“000”

Advice for Good Hearted Only

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor spotted Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later,  when the doctor examined Morris in his rooms he commented, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't actually say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.

~ooo~

Wise Italian Grandfather

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ....38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?

Release of the Wedding Doves

This is nice !!!
They walked out onto the steps of the Church, after a delightful wedding ceremony,with a hundred friends now gathered around.
Following a tradition, the Bride and Groom stand happily shoulder to shoulder each holding a beautiful white Dove.
Everyone is eager, as the Photographer gives the signal to open their hands together and release the Doves toward the sky.
The camera flashes .... and the moment is captured for eternity!!
This symbol of eternal love brings tears to the faces of everyone present!
 
 
 
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Costs: Wedding Gown $5,500. Photographer $2,000. Vintage Rolls Rent $1,000.
Having 'the twins' pop out and say 'CHEESE' in front of family and friends .. PRICELESS!!

An American tourist in London

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. As he wanders around, he occasionally stops at the quaint pubs to soak up the local culture.

After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood of stately residences with no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

He  really has to go after all those Guinness’s, so he finds a narrow alley, that is quite private with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings .

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here."

"I'm very sorry, officer, I just can't find a public restroom and I really, really have to go."

“Just follow me". says the policeman who leads the American nearby delivery gate just down the alley  .

Opening the door the policeman points, "In there Sir ,anywhere you like."

The fellow finds himself in the most beautiful garden with  manicured lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.

He relieves himself and then goes back through the gate, and see the police officer still there, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"

"No sir...", replied the officer, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."

Don't ever underestimate us old guys.

Larry the Lawyer saw his old friend, Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. Larry then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

Larry being a wise man, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy, he tactfully suggested Tom consider getting a hired hand to help him on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, Larry ran into Tom in town again.

"How's the new wife?", he asked.

Tom proudly said, "Good - she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too."

Mother’s Milk

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room. The doctor called then in and examined the baby. When he checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal.

The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

"Breast fed," the woman replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked.

She did.

He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came.

Merry Xmas 2013

Merry Christmas everyone .Here is a thought at Christmas

And Please drink responsibly – sit down so you don’t spill any!

Some People Never Stop Wine-ing

Can happen to anyone.

URGENT!

Whoever left his wife at my place after last night’s BBQ, is asked to come and get her ASAP.

It’s not that she is a problem, But it just that mine is coming back tonight….
Cheers

Grocery Store Opera

Grocery Store Opera

Seems like these are a new trend in impromptu entertainment.

Who said they don't like Opera?

Amazing MRI Technology–For everyone. but for the eyes of our Daughter I’sha too.

Human conception to birth video uses MRI technology that won its inventors a Nobel Prize  http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=fKyljukBE70 <http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=fKyljukBE70>

Thanks Maz, I saved it for a special occasion since May 2012. & Happy Birthday Kate( II’sha)

The Ultimate Dream Job

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If the show fits wear it

Alok and team, this one is for you!!

Aircraft Quiz

This should be an easy quiz for those who have even a modicum of knowledge about aircraft. However, the answer may surprise you . . . The Question:

"What is the primary advantage of rotary winged aircraft over fixed-winged aircraft?"

 

 

 

Yeah... I got it wrong, too!

The Things I Owe My Parents

Do these have a familiar ring? Especially for Baby Boomers

1. My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE ..
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside… I just finished cleaning."
2. My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My Parents taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper"
9. My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My Parents taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My Parents taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you."
16. My Parents taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My Parents taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My Parents taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My Parents taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My Parents taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favourite:

25. My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

HOSPITAL BILL

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store
clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery...

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the
Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard
loaded with several forms, and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

Do you have a relative who could help you with payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,

"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Exercise for senior men which works well for me.

My doctor started me on a rehab exercise program. I am walking with a walking therapist every day. I never knew walking with someone else was such an incentive. We don't talk much during the walk, though. My therapist walks about 10 feet ahead of me and sets the space, as directed by my doctor. So far, I have followed her for 27 miles without even using my cane ! I am feeling better each mile and my heart condition, my blood pressure and my breathing seem to be improving. I have fun where ever we go !

The Mexican Maid

The Mexican Maid.......................asked for a pay rise. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want more pay?” Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first eez that I iron better than you.” Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?” Maria: “Jor huzban he say so.” Wife: “Oh yeah?” Maria: “The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you.” Wife: “Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?” Maria: “Jor hozban did” Wife increasingly agitated: “Oh he did, did he?” Maria: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.” Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?” Maria: “No Señora… The gardener did.” Wife: “So how much do you want?”

Mounting issue

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', highballs' & just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.