NEWS FLASH:

Police today recovered a man's body floating in the Brisbane River.  The man's name is not released as his family has not been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excess beer consumption, combined with a drug overdose.   He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and a "Rudd for PM in 2010 " t-shirt.  He also had a cucumber in his rectum. 

Police removed the Rudd t-shirt to spare his family embarrassment.

It happens in Greece !

This  is despicable The  new law bans smoking since 7/1/09
But  look  how many cigarettes in the ashtray in this restaurant ...

Hey! Look  in the ashtray, the ashtray, the ashtray!

Dangerous Chemical!

According to a report high school student recently won first prize at a local Science Fair

He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.

His project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

He had done his homework well researching the facts about this particular chemical. I wanted to know more myself so I Googled it and the first link I got gave me a wealth of information.

http://www.dhmo.org/

So for plenty of good reasons the student, sought support based on the following facts:

dihydrogen monoxide

1. Can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. is a major component in acid rain
3. can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. accidental inhalation can kill you
5. contributes to erosion
6. decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban in the chemical.

• Forty-three (43) said yes,
• six (6) were undecided,
• and only one (1) said no.

In fact the one person who said no actually knew the chemical was water. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dihydrogen_monoxide

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"

At first when Trish sent me this I didn’t believe this story si I checked it on http://www.snopes.com/science/dhmo.asp and found it to be true. I should know here better as she does her homework well too, even with authenticating her jokes.

Take a look at the Snopes full text. It is a great read and indeed does shows even more-so just how gullible we can be!!!

Aussie Biker in News

A biker was visiting the zoo in  Brisbane  when he saw a little girl leaning into the bars of the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker without hesitation runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A Courier Mail reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the biker says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page...

So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a soldier in the Australian Army and a Liberal.' The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

"AUSTRALIAN SOLDIER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT -

AND STEALS HIS LUNCH."

That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.

This reporter must work for the "Australian" or the "Age" newspapers.

Pommy Bashing

Telephone Greeting: Wouldn't it be amazing, if this caught on,?

GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE SOCIAL SERVICES OFFICE'

• 'Press '1' if you speak English.'
• 'Press ''2'' to disconnect until you can
  

Keep off the grass

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw to men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two kids with me!"

"Bring them along!" said the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "you can come with us, too."

"But, sir, I have a wife and six kids!" he answered.

"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer, as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as a limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are to kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall!" 

An Ozark Love Poem

Especially for you genealogy buffs

Mail order bride

Two IRISH MEN were looking at a 
Mail order catalogue and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 
'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck IRISHMAN asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered 
from the catalogue?'

The second IRISHMAN replies......

SCROLL DOWN

'No, but it shouldn't be long now. She sent all her clothes yesterday.

Game for Girls

In the race for ratings in football code stakes, this very funny advertisement says it all.

Some words of wisdom

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

-   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

- Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
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Lets do Larry Jokes

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter, asked Larry ... 'Giving up?'


The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'


Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "


Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the Postman wants to buy Mum ....'

Why British Newspapers are Fun to Read

Enough with all of the political and doomsday rubbish. Now for the really important news of the day and be really informed.

Blind Salesman

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,

I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she's really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way

the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

Priest's Retirement Dinner

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in  The parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the Dinner.

However, the politician was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

'I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a Television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his
Way out of it.

He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and Gave VD to his sister. I was appalled.

But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that And I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving People.'...

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation And gave his talk:

'I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,' said the Politician. 'In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.'

Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late

 

Interesting Geography with interesting facts!

You should learn something new every day.   Unfortunately, many of us are at that age Where what we learn today, we forget tomorrow. Give it a shot anyway. Amazon The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% of the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river; one can dip fresh water out of the ocean.  The volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States. Antarctica Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert; the average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert. Brazil Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around. Canada Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning ' Big Village '. Chicago Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world. Detroit Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, so named because it was the first paved road anywhere. Damascus, Syria Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence. Istanbul, Turkey Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents. Los Angeles Los Angeles' full name is: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula -- and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A. New York City The term 'The Big Apple' was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930s who used the slang expression 'apple' for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple. There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel. Ohio There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, everyone is manmade. Pitcairn Island The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4.53 sq. km. Rome The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent. Siberia Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests. S.M.O.M. The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M). It is located in the city of Rome , Italy , has an area of two tennis courts and, as of 2001, has a population of 80 -- 20 less people than the Vatican . It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is. Sahara Desert In the Sahara Desert , there is a town named Tidikelt , Algeria , which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island . There has been no rainfall there for two million years. Spain Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits'. St. Paul, Minnesota St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre 'Pig's Eye' Parrant who set up the first business there. Roads Chances that a road is unpaved: in the U.S.A. = 1%; in Canada = 75% Russia The deepest hole ever drilled by man is the Kola Superdeep Borehole, in Russia . It reached a depth of 12,261 meters (about 40,226 feet or 7.62 miles). It was drilled for scientific research and gave up some unexpected discoveries, one of which was a huge deposit of hydrogen - so massive that the mud coming from the hole was boiling with it. United States The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. Waterfalls The water of Angel Falls (the world's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls .