NO Speak English

A Russian lady married a Canadian and they lived happily in Toronto.

Not being proficient in English, she did have a problem when she went shopping.

One day when buying chicken legs, to make her request, in desperation she clucked like a chicken and lifted her skirt to show her thighs to the butcher. He got the message and gave her chicken legs.

Next she wanted chicken breasts, so again she clucked and unbuttoned her blouse to show her breasts. Delighted but again the butcher understood.

When it cane to sausages, she could not communicate this, so she made a time out sign and went and found  husband, who was in another store.

Now I know you are thinking, her husband speaks English,

 

I worry about you sometimes 

All Bikers are not Bad!

A drunk walks into a biker bar orders a drink then sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He staggers to the table, looks squarely at the biggest, meanest, biker, and says: 

'I went by your grandma's house today and  I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!'                 

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.          
The drunk moving in closer the leans on the table and says: 

'I got it on with your grandma too and she is good, the best I ever had!'

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk then leans right up close to the biker’s face and snarls , 

"I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him in the eyes and says...'Grandpa,.......... Go home!' 

Lost on Stairway to Heaven

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.  I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday...I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle.  "You're bullshitting me, right?   You don't even know the way to the Post Office!"

WELCOME to 2015:

• Our Phones – Wireless
• Cooking – Fireless
• Cars – Keyless
• Food – Fatless
• Tires –Tubeless
• Dress – Sleeveless
• Youth – Jobless
• Leaders – Shameless
• Relationships – Meaningless
• Attitudes – Careless
• Babies – Fatherless
• Feelings – Heartless
• Education – Valueless
• Children – Mannerless
• Country – Godless
 
Plus
We are SPEECHLESS,
Our Society is CLUELESS,
Our Politicians are WORTHLESS
The Claims by Unions are Ridiculous
and
This is "Priceless".

Food for the Soul

“What day is it,”,asked Pooh

“It’s today,”  squeaked Piglet

“My Favorite Day,”said Pooh