Rubber Gloves

To put her at ease a dentist decided to tell his nervous patient a little joke as he put on his gloves.
'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.
The patient an 'older women,' she replied. “No I don’t”

'Well,' spoofed the desist , 'They have a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and put them by size in boxes '

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well.. I tried,' he thought.

A little later, during a procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he said, as he quickly lifted the probe from her mouth to stop harming her.

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

 

A Quick Thinking Kiwi in London

This one is for John Lincoln at the Crazy Hot Bar in Bangkok courtesy of David Ong in Malaysia

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter..

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy," I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
" New Zealand , sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.
The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager, " My wife is from New Zealand !"
"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"

Black Fella’s The Booze Bus...!!

Two indigenous Australians were driving their old
Ford Falcon in the outback recently, when off in the distance they saw a police "booze bus".
Rather than trying to avoid it, the driver headed straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver wound his window down and said 'G'day, brudder! Two cans of Emu Export, thanks!'
The copper glared at him and said 'You must be drunk!
Get out of the car and blow into this tube!'
The driver said 'Sorry boss, I can't blow in that, I got a letter from the doctor saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that.'
The cop smirked and said 'OK - in that case, we require you to give a blood sample.'
'Nah, nah - sorry, boss,' replied the driver. 'Can't be doin' that. Got a letter from the Red Cross sayin' I'm a haemophiliac, and I could bleed to death if I gavea blood sample. Sorry, boss, can't do that!'

By now the copper was getting very irate, and so he demanded that the driver provide a urine sample for testing.
The driver shook his head and said 'Sorry boss, can't do that either.'
The copper protested 'Surely you haven't got a letter for that!!!'
'Bloody oath, mate!' says the driver, 'It's from Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister of this lovely country of Australia - she's apologised, and says you white fellas can't take the piss out of us black fellas no more!

Book title "Understanding Women" finally in stores

Now out in Paperback, recommend this one to the book club girls!!

The Old Cowboy

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

When a young woman sat down next to him, she turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

 

 

 

David,

Please tell Royston that has the be one of his best ever jokes!!!!

Cheers

Gordon