Hail Damage!

That's my story & I'm sticking to it.

If the insurance company comes thru, maybe I can get it replaced!!!

Primed to Negotiate

The Australian Prime Minster has a hayseed Aussie accent when it comes to negotiating. Well some people think so in this clever Lateline ditty.

BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WISHES....

40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE saw a married couple in their early 60s  celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'. were deeply
The wife, and the fairy, disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female

The Sweet Nutcracker

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the boy three coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 coins but is still choking and the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, serious looking woman, in a business suit is sitting nearby reading a newspaper and sipping a coffee. She puts down her coffee, neatly folds the newspaper and, unhurriedly, moves across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, she carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. tighter and tighter !!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.

Are you a doctor? "  'No,' the woman replied.

I'm with the Inland Revenue.

Murphy's' Lubricant

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.

He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,!

'Ain't dat grand!!' Murphy got so excited, but just then the doctor said, 'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, then delivered a little girl.

Murphy got kind of puzzled and then the doctor said, 'Hold on, we aint got done yet!' The doctor then delivered another boy.

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?'
The doctor said, Probably something happened during  conception.'

Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.'
She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, ..it's a  good ting we didn't use WD-40.A