Laughing Stuff

It has been three months since I liked my balls

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For twisted people,here are more to cartoons to ponder  

 

Dog Therapy If you don't pass this along, A dog will visit your computer! Oops...guess you didn't send it fast enough! . .

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Numbers

This year we will experience 4 unusual dates....

1/1/11, 1/11/11,

11/1/11, 11/11/11

Ok now go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born then add your age you will be this year and it will be 111

No matter how you di it the answer is always the same.Amazing eh?

Yes, what is amazing that some people have nothing better to than figure out useless algorithms to drive the rest of us crazy

THE TINY CABIN

A social worker from a big City in recently transferred to the country and was on first tour of her new territory When she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and  knocked  on the door.
"Anybody home?" she  asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?"  asked the social worker.
"Pa?  Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma?  Nope, she left  just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the  social worker, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door.  "This is the outhouse!"

Benefits

The Australian  Prime Minister, Julia Gillard announced she intends drastically reduce the Welfare  budget and make it more difficult to claim Dole and Social Benefits.

From  next Monday all forms will be printed in English only!

*A THAILAND LOVE STORY*

A man was lying in bed with his new

Thai girlfriend in a hotel in the Thai resort of Phuket.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles -something she loved to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that so much?"

"Because", she replied, "I really miss mine..."

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it ???

The longest married laugh the most.

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

Brass Monkey Weather

I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota. 

She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. 

The temperature is dropping below zero and the north wind is increasing. 

Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window all day.  She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

You can't fool a Newfie

Two Businessmen make a deal, a Canadian from Newfoundland (Newfie), and a Jew.

The Newfie goes to the Jewish businessman to buy black bras size 38.

The Jew, known for his business skills, says that black bras are rare and from his suppliers.  Therefore he charges $50.00 for them.

The Newfie mutters  Lord Thunderin' Jesus! and buys 25 bras.

When he returns a few days later and this time orders fifty, the Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each, The Newfie reluctantly pays.

The Newfie businessman returns a month later and buys all the Jew’s remaining stock of 50 bras , this time, paying $75.00 each.

The Jew puzzled by the large demand asks the Canadian,  "Please, tell me what you do with all these black bras?

The Newfie then tell him : ‘I cut dem in half and sells them as skull caps to the Jewish folks back home for $100.00 each.'

Candy from a Stranger

REMEMBER  WHEN YOUR
MOTHER TOLD YOU
NEVER TO TAKE  CANDY
FROM  A STRANGER..

THIS  IS THE ONE SHE  WAS TALKING ABOUT!!

Change Management for “Senior Greeter” jobs!

 

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.  "Charley, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?" "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?"

My wife asked me!!!

My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?"
I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake." Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM

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The short ones are always good

An Irishman applying for a job as a blacksmith was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses...

He said no, but had told a donkey to fuck off once.

Your right David, But how come I meet so many donkeys. Maybe there is a bit of the Irish in us all.. to be sure

Weight Management

A girl asks her doctor

“how many calories are there in sperm.

Doctor replies
"Believe me dear, if you swallow, no one will care how fat you are!"

Breakfast Diary

Woke up this morning a bit late, 8:15 ish.

Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor. …..Dead!

At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes.............

Then a moment of pure inspiration....

....McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30 !

Eyes like Limpet Pools

Two women were talking.

"Do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?"

"I did once & he looked really angry."

"Why angry?"

³Because he was watching through the window.!

What happens when men bake cookies??

There are always funny people about to make us laugh

The One Ronnie

This is hilarious and a great start to the year for 2011 Cheers to all the fans.