The longest married laugh the most.

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”