'Are these my brains?

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains? '

Not yet,' she replied

BBC archives Yield 1986 Soda Water dogs

Half Wit

A man owned a small farm in Australia.
The Tax Office claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $500 a week plus free room and board. He also gets triple time for working on a Sunday and a slab of beer for a Happy Hour every Friday"
'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $400 per week plus free room and board. She doesn't work on Sundays and I provide paid satellite television for free in her room.
'Then there's the half-wit.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $20 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

Hang in here Sunshine

TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

           What  is the difference between girls/women
Aged 8, 18,  28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

***********************************************************************************
At  8

You  take her to bed and tell her a  story

***********************************************************************************  
At 18

You  tell her a story and take her to  bed  

---

At  28

You  don't need to tell her a story
To take her to  bed  

---

At  38

She  tells you a story and takes you to  bed

***********************************************************************************
At  48

She  tells you a story to avoid going to  bed

***********************************************************************************  
At 58

You  stay in bed to avoid her story  

---

At  68

If  you take her to bed, that'll be a  story  

---

At  78

What  story? What bed?
Who the hell are  you?  

---

According  to the
Office for National  Statistics

190,374
People  are having sex right now

212,130
Are  kissing

And one poor ole fart
Is reading  emails

You  hang in there sunshine!

Just what the Doctor Ordered!!

A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM ! 'Viagra' is  now available In powder form For your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance But it does stop your biscuit going soft.