Interesting Road Accident Statistics

I was just reading about the major causes the road accidents which stated 22 % are caused by drunk drivers. That amazing fact seems to say it is far safer to be drunk when driving given the other 78% of accidents are caused by sobriety.

CATHOLIC HORSES

A punter was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.

The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.

He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.

He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning.

The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on ...

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.

Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'.

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.

'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'

Dying confession

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied.
"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

The blonde and the cow

A  blond city girl named Amy marries a Northern Territory  cattle station owner

One morning, on his way out  to check on the cows, the  stockman says  to Amy, 'The  insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our  cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above  where the cow's stall is in the barn.

Please show him  where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The  stockman leaves for the outback paddocks. After a while,  the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on  the front door.

Amy takes him down to the barn.  They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the  nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.' 

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead  blonde, asks, 'Tell me lady, 'cause I'm dying to know;  how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be  bred?'

'That's simple," she said. "By the nail  that's over its stall,' she explains very confidently. 
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what,  pray tell, is the nail for?'

The blonde turns to  walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder,
'I  guess it's to hang your pants  on.'

(It's nice to see a blond winning once in awhile.) 

The Bottle of Wine

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business tips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:  "Good trade....."