The Eukanuba Diet.

I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba (Dog food) at Woolies, Manuka and standing in line at the checkout.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

I said "No", and added "I am starting The Eukanuba Diet again. I probably shouldn't because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 22 kilos before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming from all my orifices and IV's in both arms".

I then told her it was essentially a perfect diet; adding "And the way it works is you load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is also very  nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again".

I have to say at this point practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy just  behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her "No; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me".

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch, why else would I buy dog food .

Jai you may have alienated our fairer sex completely but I am still laughing   too.