Post Turtles

While stitching a cut on the hand of an old local farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation.
Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders. 
The old rancher said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'.''
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to
explain.
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he
doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his
ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up
there to begin with."
Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard.

^ Degrees of Blond

This blond joke sent to me by my dear blond friend is to welcome back a mate who just got back into the stirrups after a heart attack. (I know some people will do anything for a day off, but try as they did they could not prove malingering.)

Here you go!

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
And then and hung up grumpily after she said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' .
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know,
Some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-: *?`?*

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on The sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the Mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde Says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,. -:*?`?*:-..,_,-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, So she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment Unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him In the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
She is overcome with grief.She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-: *?`?*

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-: *?`?*

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? 'Is it mine?'
`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-: *?`?*

SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps..
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman.'
`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,-:*?`?*:-...,_,.-: *?`?*

How Babies are Made

Canadian photographer Patrice Laroche surely will have no trouble explaining to his kids about the birds and the bees.

During his wife Sandra’s pregnancy, the artist created this hilarious explanatory photo series titled

“How to Make a Baby”...

The creative couple planned and carried out their project throughout the whole period of 9 months, taking pictures in the exact same settings as Sandra’s belly expanded.

The pregnancy saga of Sandra and Patrice basically denounces all the traditional cabbage and the stork stories.

 

 

 

 

Now how could I not have shared this with you - go ahead, smile and enjoy your day!!

Beer, fishing, golf and sex

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

Air Show Disaster - AIRCRAFT HITS FOUR BUILDINGS

This is tough to see. It just shows the dangers of attending these events.

Amazing photo below shows great detail. The pilot at low level had no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly misses a crowd gathered for the air show and slams into four buildings.
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.No one was killed, but it probably scared the shit out of them.