Hard Of hearing

A guy is in a pet shop, and sees a legless parrot somehow seated on a perch.
Mother of Mary , what happened to the parrot.?' the guys blurts aloud to the owner
But the parrot not the owner replies with, 'I was born this way. I'm defective .'

'Holy Molasses, You talk and you actually understood and answered me?.'

'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I am  highly intelligent, and educated

“Awesome” says the guy who adds, So how do you sit on your perch without feet.?'

'Well,' the parrot says, Its a bit embarrassing, but since you ask,   I wrap my
weenie around the bar, like a hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really do understand, and you speak English so well’'
'Actually, I speak Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable
competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy and I'm  especially good at ornithology.You ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, You can probably get me for $20,' So the guy offers $20 and leaves with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humour and a great pal, who understands well sympathizes and is insightful.The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssst,' as he motions him over with his wing.'I don't know if I should tell you or not, but it's about your wife, and the UPS man.'

'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door,
in a sheer black nightie.'

WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously adding, “So what happened?'

'The UPS man came inside lifted up her nightie, and began touching her all over,'

Holy cow !' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?'

'Yes.and then he took off the nightie, got on his knees, and began to kiss her body .'

Frantic the guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?'

DUNNO?   I got a hard-on, and fell off my perch.!'