Questions - If your Auntie had balls would she be your Uncle?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

The statistics on sanity say that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK..? (then it's you!

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?               

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called  Holes?  
                     
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
                  
Odd, isn't it that a person who plays the piano is called a pianist, but a race car driver is not a racist?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hope there is something new to eat?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!  A day without sunshine is,  like...........night!!!!

Why do Irish gentlemen prefer Blondes?

In Galway Ireland on a bitterly cold winter morning during breakfast, a husband and wife were listening to the radio.

The announcer said, "We will have 8 inches of snow today, so please park on the even-numbered side so the snowploughs can get through. The husband then went out and moved the car.

A week later at breakfast again, the radio said, "We are expecting 12 inches of snow today. Please park on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowploughs can get through. The good man went out and moved the car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the announcer says, "We are expecting 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."

Just then the power went out and a worried look came on the husband's face as he said. "Well that's just fine isn't it, how can I know what to do?"

With love and understanding and following the blonde wife's code to let husbands believe they are naturally smarter, she said, "Darling, Why don't you leave the car in the garage this time."

Best Quote of Any Era

 Cicero, in 55 BC said 

"The Budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced,the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome will become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance."

Evidently, we've learned bugger all in 2,500 years.